Inevitable
by samandfreddie38
Summary: It takes Sam's life to completely fall apart for her and Freddie to realize what's been going on all along. Sam&Freddie Multi-Chap.
1. Prologue

**Okay, so this is the PROLOGUE to my first Sam&Freddie fanfic (second published on here) called "Inevitable". Chapter One coming soon! This is a multi-chapter fic.**

It scared them. Both of them.

Of course it would be hard to admit something so drastic, so life-changing. Not knowing how the other would react. Not knowing if it would ruin everything that had formed over the years. Not knowing if it was all a mistake, all a mirage. Trying to keep it all bottled up seemed the best way to handle things.

But who can deny the inevitable?


	2. Not Like Other Girls

**Here it is! Hope you like the first chapter: "Not Like Other Girls". (I couldn't think of a better title… xD)**

SAM POV

I was in heaven. My version of heaven, that is.

Watching Girly Cow and devouring the huge tub of the new bacon-flavored ice cream in my lap with my big spoon comes pretty close, don't you think? Pure. Bliss.

So I was smirking at the crazy antics of the cartoon when my mother burst through the front door, grumbling to herself and slamming her purse on the small table next to the doorway. I snickered again at the TV and grinned at my mom. "Hey, mom."

"Oh, shut_ up_," she growled and stomped her way to her room. She slammed the door so hard the house shook.

I sighed and turned off the TV. You would have thought that things between us would have changed after the whole psychiatrist episode with Carly in the small "therapy box," but no. The day after, she yelled at me for something _completely_ stupid and I was considering moving back in with Carly. But I knew that Carly would just send us back to the therapist but this time, my mother and I would spend the rest of _eternity_ in the therapy box considering we wouldn't have mushy revelations and make up again. And she still hasn't bought me a new bunny.

Not that I care…

I shoved myself off of the couch and pounded on her door. "Mom! Is this about Stephen?" I had kept _my_ end of the bargain and called that rich doctor and told him Pam Puckett didn't really get hit by a bus. They had started dating the following week, which was about two or three weeks ago. I was surprised my mom had kept a man even for _that_ long. The others usually saw through her psychotic personality immediately. "Open up!" This was my pathetic way of showing my mother that I cared.

Instead of doing as I asked, she screamed her wrath and flung something hard and heavy at the door, probably a chair. I didn't wince; I was used to this for all my life.

I yelled, "AARGH! FORGET IT!" and slammed the front door behind me as I started my long trek to Carly's apartment.

FREDDIE POV

"Don't be a wuss! Eat your asparagus!" My annoying mother chimed in my ear as I choked down the second-to-last piece of the despised vegetable. I rolled my eyes, swallowed, and grimaced. When I finished the last piece, she rushed away, no doubt to get more. As soon as she disappeared into the kitchen, I shoved back my chair, knocking it over in the process, and raced to my bedroom and locked the door.

"FREDWARD BENSON!" I heard her shriek and I yelled back, "I DON'T FEEL WELL, I'M FULL!"

I could picture her spazzing as she cleared the table.

Being the school-conscious boy I was, I spent almost the rest of my Friday night finishing the homework that was due on Wednesday, considering we had Monday and Tuesday off from school. When it was around nine and I heard my mom close her door to rest for the night, I slowly opened my bedroom door and snuck to the front door of the apartment. I quietly made my way across the hall to Carly's apartment and sighed with relief when I entered.

I walked in on Carly and Sam having a heated discussion on the couch, but they shut up when they saw me come in. "Wassup ladies?" I said, trying to be suave.

"Nuthin'," Carly responded nonchalantly and Sam just grumbled an unintelligible reply. I raised my eyebrows.

"Okay, what's going on?" Since I knew Sam wasn't about to tell me anything, I looked over at Carly.

She sighed, like it was such a large effort to make a reply to my simple question. "Her mom. Again."

"I thought you and your mom worked it out a month ago. What happened?"

Sam finally took a break from massaging her forehead with her hand and looked up at me. "Nothing was worked out," she snapped. Almost immediately, she turned to Carly and stuttered, "I mean—uh—we worked _some_ things out—i-it's not like our relationship will be perfect, right?" I soon realized that Sam didn't want a repeat of the therapy box episode.

Carly, knowing better, pulled out her phone and sighed. "I'll make another appointment…"

"NO!" Sam yelled and snatched the phone away from her. "If you do, we'll _never_ work it out and you can be trapped in that therapy box with us _forever_!" Carly's eyes widened as she recalled her claustrophobia and she gave up. "Okay, okay!" and grabbed her phone back.

"But I want you to—" Carly was cut off by Spencer's scream coming from his bedroom. "AAAHH! CARLY, BRING THE FIRE EXTINGUISHER! WHAT—HOW DID THAT EVEN _HAPPEN_?" Carly rolled her eyes and raced towards the noise, grabbing the extinguisher off the wall.

Sam's hand resumed massaging her forehead, and I took a seat next to her on the couch. "Long day, huh?" I asked, surprised when she didn't glare at me or push me away.

"Whatever," she grumbled, yet again.

I was at a loss for words. I mean, what could I say? I knew Sam and her mom hated each other; how could I make Sam feel better at all? How could I comfort her without being too mushy, which I knew she hated?

I looked down and ran my hand through my hair. I heard a chuckle and "What's _your_ deal?" I glanced at Sam and she was looking at me with a puzzled expression.

"Oh, um, nothing. You—uh—going to be okay?"

She looked taken aback for a second, surprised that I cared. "Uh, yeah, I guess." I could have sworn one corner of her mouth twitched upward.

"Spencer! I _told_ you not to use bath soap and canned cheese on the same sculpture! Ugh!" Carly complained as she joined us again on her couch. She smiled and added, "Sorry. You know Spencer and his knack for making fire-retardant objects explode into flames."

Sam grinned and got up from the couch. "Well, I better get back home to my mom."

"You sure you don't want to stay overnight? After…what happened?" Carly asked.

"Naw. I should check on her. But can I have some ham to go?" I grinned. There was the Sam I knew. Carly gave her an exasperated look and went to her fridge. She ripped some ham off of the top shelf and put it in a bag for her. Sam smiled her thanks and took it.

Carly smiled back and said, "Oh, and remember we have to go over some ideas for the next iCarly tomorrow. Twelve o'clock. Freddie, you too." I nodded.

"K. Bye, Carls. Later, Fredweird." Sam left the apartment.

I rolled my eyes at one of her many nicknames for me and told Carly I had to get going also or my mom would probably call the FBI, frantically searching for me.

OoOoOoOoO

The next day, I walked into Carly's apartment at a little before twelve with my iCarly "idea notecards" and a pen. Expecting Carly waiting for me and a most likely to-be-late Sam, I was surprised when I saw Sam at the Shay's computer and Carly nowhere in sight.

Sam was laughing hysterically, doubled over on the chair, almost to the point of falling off of it. "Yes! I can't believe it!" I heard her gasp in between snickers.

I heard high-pitched music coming from the computer and grinned. I made my way over to her as I said, "So wat'cha doin'?"

Sam laughed again and replied, "Dude! I found it! There's a chipmunk'd version of 'Just the Way You Are'!" **(A/N: It is pretty funny…xD) **She paused and I heard a high-pitched squeal coming from the computer. I chuckled and she rocked from side to side in her seat.

Sam's just not like other girls.

When the song ended another minute later, Sam and I both burst into laughter, and I heard her gasp, "_Man_, I _hate_ that song," and laugh all over again. **(A/N: Anyone understand the significance of her hating this song?)**

**Kind of a short chapter, but thanks for reading! The story may start off boring, but I promise, it gets better as the plot progresses, and I'll have longer chapters. Please review! They mean so much to me! And Chapter Two…coming soon!**


	3. Milestones

**Chapter Two: "Milestones"! Hope you like! Oh, and I keep forgetting to put this in my stories: DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN iCARLY! Because I'm not a man named Dan Schneider…**

SAM POV

"Well, we could do a segment on Fredpuss's undying love for a certain brunette web show host," I said as I gobbled down a slice of ham and two pieces of bacon. Carly, Freddie and I were in the studio on the bean bags going over ideas for the next webcast.

"Sam…" I heard Carly groan.

"Seriously," Freddie sounded annoyed. "We only need one more thing. And I want to finish this already! It's been, what, four hours?"

"Three and a half," Carly corrected. Freddie rolled his eyes. "Same thing."

"Hmm," I thought again. "We could record some other food rotting. One that rots quicker than a peanut butter and jelly sandwich."

"I don't know…wouldn't our fans be bored with rotting food?" Carly speculated. I shrugged.

"We could just do another 'Random Dancing' bit until the end of the show," Freddie suggested. "It's not like we have all the time in the world after the second-to-last segment ends."

Carly sighed. "Alright. We'll just have to overact and make it seem really fun."

I snorted. "It'll be fine."

Carly sat up and smiled. "Well, we're done. Let me get some Wahoo punch to celebrate. Be right back!" She closed the door as she left.

I leaned back on the bean bag so my head hung over the back and I shoved another slice of ham in my face. "Mhmmmmm."

"Why do you still think I'm in love with Carly?" Freddie blurted suddenly, shattering the silence.

What?

I picked up my head to look at him. "Dude! Since the end of sixth grade…?" I rolled my eyes. "You've been obsessed with her since first sight." I stuffed another bacon piece in my mouth.

"Exactly! I _thought_ I loved her. And I didn't even know who she was!"

I raised my eyebrows. Why on _earth_ were we even having this conversation? Wasn't Freddie supposed to be discussing this with Carly, finally telling _her_ that he was over his stupid crush? "So?"

"So?" Freddie sound irritated. His mouthed opened as if he was about to say something else, but then he closed it and sighed.

I felt a small pang of guilt, and said in a soft voice, "Keep going."

"Why _should_ I?"

"'Cause I want to know." I looked him in the eye, trying to let him know I was serious.

He looked away, his face flushing, with anger or embarrassment, I'm not sure, and started again. "It was infatuation. It was never real." He rested his right cheek on his right palm. "I wasted four years of my life chasing after something that wasn't even there."

"Four? You've known her for at least five."

"Exactly," he responded, and then I got it.

My eyebrows raised again. Freddie had never been this open with me. "Oh," was all I could manage.

Freddie immediately seemed embarrassed and added, "Can you insult me now so this isn't so awkward?" I smirked at him and laughed quietly. "You're such a nub."

"Aw, come on. You can do better than that," he smiled at me.

I put my right pointer finger and right thumb on my chin, pretending to think deeply. Freddie saw my expression and cracked up.

Just then, Carly came back to the room with our punch. "One for Sam, one for Freddie, and one for me!" We drank heartily. I got up, grabbed my leftover ham and bacon and told Carly and Freddifer that I'd see them later.

OoOoOoOoOoOoO

As soon as I got home and went to my room, I logged on to my laptop and started playing a song that I had recently become obsessed with. Almost immediately after that, my computer beeped a couple times, letting me know that I was receiving a video chat request on Skype. _Techboyfb_. Freddie? Didn't I just see that nerd?

I denied the request, only to have the nub request face-to-face time _again_, so I rolled my eyes and clicked the "accept" button.

His face appeared on the screen moments later, and he didn't look pleased. "Nice try, Sam," he said sarcastically. I tilted my head and raised my eyebrows at his tone, and made a move to close out of the chat. Freddie's eyes widened and he suddenly shrieked, "Sam, stop! This is actually important!"

I sighed and snapped, "_What?"_

"Carly told me to tell you that instead of another random dancing segment we'll just pump a honeydew with pressurized air like we did to that watermelon a while back. The fans really seemed to enjoy that."

I shrugged and said, "Whatever. Sounds good."

He was about to say his goodbye, but then paused with his mouth open. He looked at me quizzically. "What's that song you're listening to?"

Aw, _man_! I didn't like people to know that I listened to music so much. I mean, because if you do, you're most likely a hormonal teenage girl who tries to have feelings that correspond to the songs you listen to. For example, if you're depressed you put on a sad song and pretend people are watching you stare off into space and can feel what you're feeling…that sort of thing. I don't want people thinking I have emotions! As stupid as that sounds, I've got a rep to protect.

"Uh…It's by Timbaland."

Freddie raised his eyebrows. "I thought you hated rap?"

I gave him a smirk and replied, "Yeah, but Daughtry's in it too, nub." He gave a grin back. Although he didn't realize how much music ran my life, Freddie knew that one of my obsessions (other than ham) was the band Daughtry.

"Ahh. It's all clear to me now." He listened for a moment, and then asked me, "What's the song called? I like it."

"'Long Way Down.'"

He gave me a brief smile and thanked me.

"Have you listened to the new Daughtry album like I told you to?"

He smiled again and replied, "Yeah! Dude, it's great!"

I was about to say something back, but I stopped and frowned. Something about the way he said dude…

…Now I remember. Pete.

Suddenly, memories of my blonde-haired ex came flooding through my brain. I wasn't sad or happy when I reminisced about him. It was like my heart froze, unable to produce any feelings towards or against him. I liked it that way. And something about that song I wrote to cope with the loss helped too.

"Sam…! Sam...? SAM!" Freddie yelled, jerking me out of my thoughts. My head snapped up and I growled, "_What,_ Frednub?"

His eyes widened at my tone. "I—uh, sorry. You okay?"

"I gotta go." I shut my computer off before he could reply.

FLASHBACK

_The doorbell rang. I wondered who it was, considering Pete wasn't supposed to pick me up for another hour for our date. My hair was wet; I had just stepped out of the shower._

_I yanked open the door, ready to shoot my mouth off angrily at the intruder, when I stopped. It was my boyfriend. _

"_Oh—uh, Pete!" I yelped, suddenly realizing that I was in a bathrobe and my hair probably made me look like a drowned sewer rat. "I, um, one sec—" I started to close the door on him, but Pete, realizing that I was about to make myself look more presentable, shoved the toe of his shoe between the door and the wall. "Nah, don't worry about it. Can I come in?"_

_I was inwardly celebrating at how Pete didn't seem to care how I looked. How great _was_ he? "Yeah, yeah!" I opened the door wider for him._

_We sat on the couch next to each other. "So…what are you doing here so early?"_

_Pete looked down and fiddled with his hands. "Well, I'm not going to beat around the bush. I—I think we should see other people." He risked a glance at me._

_I was shocked. "But—but _why_?" We had gone out for a month or so. This was the longest relationship I ever had, and now it was crumbling to pieces._

"_I…think I might be interested in someone else. I figured this out today, believe me! I just don't want to hurt you by just pretending you are the only one I have eyes for and continuing to go out with you. I'm…I'm so sorry, Sam."_

_He sounded so sincere that I found myself holding back on punching the daylights out of him. "Oh," was all I could muster. "I—uh, guess I understand." I refused to let a tear slip down my cheek._

"_You'll be alright, Sam. I think you have feelings for someone else too."_

_My face that was looking at my lap suddenly snapped up. "What are you talking about?"_

_Pete smiled at me. That smile that I thought would be mine, only mine. That face that I thought would be next to me when I woke up twenty years from now. I looked away, hurt._

"_I see the way you look at him sometimes. The way you guys interact. I didn't want to say anything, I was afraid I was wrong, but I know the truth now."_

_I was still confused. "I don't know what you _think_ you know, but I only like _you_, Pete. Only you. Well, I guess that's different now. You _were_ the only one I had eyes for." I blinked a few times, trying to build a dam to block the waterfall of tears that was threatening to pour out of my eyes._

"_Aw, Sam." He put his arm around my shoulders, but pulled it back when I flinched under his touch. He sighed. "I don't think you realize your feelings for him yet, that's all."_

_I still didn't look at him. Pete, the one I thought I loved, was slipping away from my grasp. And I couldn't do anything about it._

_He stood up, and so did I. "I think I should go." I nodded slowly._

_After pausing for a brief moment, he gradually leaned over and touched his lips to my cheek. "Bye, Sam. You'll always be my first love. I hope you can forgive me."_

_I was too afraid to say anything back. I knew he was expecting me to say that he was _my_ first love, but I wasn't sure of anything anymore. I just silently closed the door behind him. _Click_. _

_I let my breath out in random shudders and the tears started to fall down my face, making stains on the carpet. I stumbled blindly to my room, slamming my door. I screamed for a few seconds and ripped the pillows off of my bed and threw them at the wall. _Thud. Thud.

_I just broke down, leaning against my closet door, letting it all go for at least half an hour. Then, I pushed myself up and paced slowly around my room. My eyes landed on the closet door, and something clicked inside my brain. I opened the door, shuffled through the junk on the floor, and found it. _

_My old guitar. _

_I smiled the first real smile I had in a while as I took it out and shifted its weight in between my arms. No one knew my secret. _

_I grabbed a paper, pen, sat on the edge of my bed with my guitar, and started to play._

END FLASHBACK

I took a deep breath and retrieved my guitar out of my closet. I sat on my bed, letting the air I didn't know I had been holding in out shakily. I still knew the lyrics by heart.

And I started to play. **(A/N: The song is "Better" by Jennette McCurdy. The songs in this story that Sam writes will be a couple of Jennette McCurdy's songs. How appropriate... :D)**

"In the corner of my room, there's a pile of things that still belong to you.

And I'll give them back, but here tonight, I'll go through them one by one without a fight.

And I don't care if I cry; it should hurt: you said goodbye,

And I have the right to drag it out and make it worse

I'm gonna take my time 'til I wake up one morning and I find

That I feel better.

Outside my window, there's the moon.

And it's saying 'don't get over you too soon.'

So I'll keep breaking, until I'm done.

And I get it through my head you weren't the one.

And I don't care if I cry; it should hurt you said goodbye,

And I have the right to drag it out and make it worse.

I'm gonna take my time 'til I wake up one morning and I find

That I feel better. Better…

'Til I look at your pictures and run out of tears

And you're not all I'm thinking about

'Til I don't turn around, hold my breath for the sound

Of you singing my name out loud

And I don't care if I cry; it should hurt: you said goodbye

And I have the right to drag it out and make it worse

I'm gonna take my time 'til I wake up one morning and I find

That I feel better…

Better…"

I smiled again after strumming the last chord.

I do feel better. I have for a while now. And I've forgiven Pete for a while now, too.

But I can't say he was my first love. Somehow it doesn't fit.

I have learned a lot from that experience, though. And I'm glad that it happened, no matter how crazy that sounds.

FREDDIE POV

I was worried about going over to Carly's the next day because I knew that Sam would be there. Our friendship had gotten stronger over the past year or so, and I didn't want it going back to where it was all that time ago. She had finally stopped insulting me every moment spent together and when she did, it was more playful than what I was used to. And I liked that.

But what had I done wrong? I hadn't said anything to insult her and she just shuts her computer off on me?

But it was either face Sam and her stubbornness or face my mother's wrath as she would try to suck my ears clean using that despised machine, so after I ate breakfast and got washed up, I escaped my apartment and strolled across the hall.

As soon as I entered, there was the blonde devil, sprawled across the Shay's couch chowing down on some beef jerky. This was a good sign. Sam was eating—she couldn't be _that_ upset.

Right?

"Uh, hey," I said awkwardly. I was surprised when I heard a "Hey, Freddie!" from the kitchen. I didn't even see Carly in there.

"Hi," Sam mumbled briefly. She was mesmerized by whatever was on the TV. An MMA fight, perhaps? Girly Cow?

I opened my mouth to ask when she immediately said "Girly Cow." How did she do that? She wasn't even looking at me to see I was about to ask her a question!

Before I could ask her _that_, Sam started to say something else. "Oh, and uh—I'm um…uh—"

I chuckled as I realized what she was trying to do. Apologies don't come easy to Sam Puckett.

"Don't worry about it."

She let out a loud sigh, as if a fifty-pound weight had been lifted off her shoulders.

Carly entered the living room with a "What up?" and I replied with "Trying to avoid my psychotic mother." "Ah," she responded.

Sam's cell phone suddenly rang and she answered it after a few tunes of Daughtry's "Traffic Light". I smiled. That girl sure loved her Daughtry.

I watched Girly Cow with Carly as Sam had her conversation.

"Hello? Oh, hi…_What?_" Carly and I both looked at her. "But you said—no, you _promised_…no! Don't tell me to shut up! Why can't you just give me _one_ night,_ one!_ …You know what? Fine! I'll just stay at Carly's, _again_! … I'm not _complaining_! I _asked_ you if today—but—" Sam's face suddenly crumpled. "You know what? I ha—" She suddenly paused with a distant look on her face. I knew what she was about to say, making me realize who she was talking to. Then Sam just hung up, not finishing her sentence or saying goodbye. "I'm staying over tonight, Carls," she grumbled.

Carly asked softly, "Your mom?" Sam nodded stiffly.

Things got awkwardly silent from that point on as we tried to get ourselves into the episode of Girly Cow that was airing. But I kept sneaking glances at Sam—she seemed genuinely upset. And if you know Sam, she isn't Miss Emotional.

CARLY POV

Freddie left sometime in the afternoon, and I immediately tried to break the ice with Sam.

"So what happened with your mom?" I was expecting her to brush off my comment or glare at me and refuse to talk about it, but I was taken aback when Sam suddenly launched off in a rant.

"You know what really irritates me? I ask for one stupid night with my mother, one night where she doesn't just leave the house with some random guy and they go get drunk at some random club. Who knows what kinds of situations she gets into? I asked her for one dinner, together, at _our_ house. Is that so abnormal? A kid having a meal with a parent? It's like she doesn't even consider me her kid…"

"Aw Sam, you know that that's not true—"

"Oh, you know I do, and I know that you do too." I fell silent. She was telling the truth, and we both knew that the other knew it. **(A/N: Woah, that was confusing even to type! Haha…)** "I tried so hard after that therapy session. I _meant_ what I said to her that day. I _wanted_ things to change between us. You have no idea how hard I _tried_, Carls…" My best friend suddenly leaned over and put her head on my lap, exactly as she did when she had the breakdown after working at that fast-food restaurant to pay Freddie and me back our money.

I patted her head and back soothingly. "I really appreciate that, Sam. It must be hard. I can't imagine how you must feel right now. I'm so sorry." I said lamely.

She sounded heartbroken when she whispered, "And she just cancels…just like that. Found another guy who seems to be better company than her own daughter…"

SAM POV

After my little meltdown I apologized to Carly, who couldn't care less that I had depressed her evening. I stayed the night and hung out at the Shay apartment until late in the afternoon and walked a while to get home. After searching the house for a minute, I realized that my mother _still_ wasn't home, and this annoyed me to a very high degree. It was already four! How much time did she need to get drunk?

So I just grumbled my way to my room and turned on some depressing music. Yeah, it's weird; I have a thing for sad music. For some reason it fulfills me at times when no happy song could…

If that makes sense.

So I listened to my "sadsongs" playlist from my computer while I just laid down on my bed, thinking about how awesome it was that we had that day (Monday) and Tuesday off from school. I hate that place.

Carly said that I could have gotten better grades if I wanted to because I had the brains for it. The problem with that is I'm lazy and can't focus on something boring for long extensions of time. Two hours later my thoughts revolved around my mother, frustrated that she wasn't home yet. To tell you the truth, I was worried too. Where could she be?

Well, the possibilities were endless knowing my mother.

But still…

My thoughts were hazily interrupted as I drifted off into a deep slumber with Barcelona's "Please Don't Go" acting as a lullaby. So yeah, Sam Puckett fell asleep at six.

OoOoOoOoOoO

My sleep was interrupted by a loud banging noise. My eyes fluttered open, glancing at the clock on my nightstand. Eight. In the morning. _Not_ on a school day! I was going to _kill_ whoever was at the door.

But when I flung it open, I realized that I couldn't assault a police officer. That would mean _big_ jail time, so I held myself back. "What?" I snapped. Just because he was a policeman didn't mean I had to be nice to him.

"Excuse me, is this the Puckett residence?" He looked a little nervous.

"So what if it is?"

"I—ah—have some…news…regarding a Pam Puckett. Your mother?" I nodded in response to his question and proceeded to try to untangle a knot in my blonde curls with my fingers. "What kind of trouble has she gotten into this time?" I said with a bored monotone. "Drunk driving? Assaulting an officer? Armed robbery?" I chuckled at the last option; it could happen…

"Not exactly. Uh-You see…her body was found earlier this morning..."

**Oooh, the plot thickens! Haha, but thanks for reading! Reviews are GREATLY appreciated! Much draaaammaaa in the next chapter, which is coming soon! Hope you enjoyed "Milestones"! **


	4. Broken

**Hey! I'm updating like craaaazy! Haha, but I finally got one review and it's inspired me to update AGAIN today! So here's Chapter Three, called "Broken". I had trouble coming up with a name, and then I was listening to the song "Broken" by Seether, and I'm like, 'sure, why not'? :) Enjoy, and don't forget to tell me what you think!**

FREDDIE POV

I was planning on sleeping in on that Tuesday we had off of school, but my dreams were interrupted by muffled pounding noises and a shrill voice. My eyes half closed, I followed the sound and stopped when I realized they were coming from the hallway. Puzzled, I rubbed my sleepy eyes and shuffled to the front door and cautiously opened it. I caught sight of a blonde completely hacking away at Carly's apartment door with her fists. "CARLY! PLEASE, OPEN UP! PLEASE! CARLY!" She seemed to lose her strength suddenly, and her body crumpled and slammed against the door. "Carly! Carly please…" The blonde's shoulders shook as emotion took control over her body.

"_Sam_? What are—" I stopped when she whipped around to face me, startled by my sudden appearance. She had tiny rivers of tears flowing down her cheeks and her hair was a mess.

Wait, Sam Puckett was _crying_? The only time I'd seen her cry was when she and Carly almost _died_.

"Sam, what—"

She interrupted me by blurting out, "Wh—where's Carly?" Her voice cracked.

"What's wrong?"

"WHERE'S CARLY?" She resumed pounding on her door.

"Remember? She and Spencer went to Yakima to visit their Granddad for the day. That isn't important—Sam, what is _wrong_?"

Sam started to shake her head, slowly at first, then more vigorously as her tears threatened to break her down again. "No, no…" Sam mumbled over and over as she wouldn't stop punching at the door. I swear it was going to break soon if she didn't stop. "No…CARLY! COME TO THE STUPID DOOR! CARLY!" Finally, Sam couldn't take it. Her frail body crashed onto the floor and she burst into tears. "Carly, open up…_please…!"_

I stood there like a complete idiot; I was _beyond_ shocked. I snapped out of my moment of stupor and rushed over to her. "Sam! _Sam!_ Tell me what happened!"

She immediately pushed me away and struggled up to her feet. "No, no…leave me alone! Go away!"

I grabbed her arm. "_SAM!"_

Sam could have been a total mess right then, but she was _extremely_ strong when she needed to be. She twisted and struggled for a few seconds and wrenched herself from my desperate grasp. "No, go away! Leave me alone!" She kicked Carly's apartment door a final time and raced away from me, still beside herself. I had never seen Sam like this. I attempted to pursue her fleeing figure and got to the main lobby. For once, Lewbert wasn't saying a word, mouth agape at seeing that blonde headed demon in such a state.

But once I rushed outside and a blast of cool air hit my face, I looked everywhere, swiveling my head this way and that, but her blonde curls had disappeared.

SAM POV

I struggled to see through my tears as I fell against the door of the main lobby of the Bushwell apartment complex, bursting it open.

Carly. I had to see Carly.

Lewbert was napping and my sobs were enough to startle him from his sleep and he grumbled unintelligibly. I didn't notice. I focused all of my strength onto climbing the mountain of stairs all the way to the eighth floor. The elevator wouldn't have been fast enough. I wheezed for a few seconds in front of her door when I got there, a few stray tears flinging themselves onto the cold floor. I started to pound and scream away as if the apocalypse was coming and it was the end of the world.

Because it was.

I was so caught up in what I was doing that I didn't hear Freddie come up behind me. I whipped around when I heard a cautious and concerned voice and immediately regretted it. I would _not_ cry in front of him…

I asked him where Carly was. My head was spinning, and I vaguely heard him tell me something about Yakima when I asked him a second time. I pounded on the door until it hit me like a ton of bricks: Yakima. Carly wasn't here. She wasn't here the moment I needed her the most.

It was all too much. The floor became my foundation instead of me being my own strength, and I somewhat noticed Freddie's presence beside me. I was still crying my heart out; my life was in ruins. And then my brain made another vague realization. Freddie. He was here. And I was crying.

Sam Puckett does _not_ cry in front of Freddie Benson.

I got up somewhat clumsily and felt a strong hand wrap around my upper arm. I had to get away. Anywhere but here. I shouted at Freddie, told him to leave me alone and to go away. I mustered up all of the strength I could manage and freed myself. My leg thrust outwards and made contact with the apartment door one more time before I took off down the stairs. It seemed to take hours to descend the eight floors, and Lewbert's initial screams halted when he saw the state I was in.

The cool October breeze blew my hair away from my wet, sticky face and I ran towards the nearest alley I could find and curled myself into a ball and sobbed silently behind a dumpster, wishing I could get away from my life, that I could escape the pain that was suddenly thrust upon me. It seemed that anywhere I could have run to would just intensify the stress that was mounting higher and higher, the heaviness that weighed my heart down lower and lower, the pressure that squeezed my chest tighter and tighter. I could have exploded.

But instead, I whimpered over and over again through my tears, "_Mommy…"_

FREDDIE POV

I whipped out my phone and pressed three and send, calling Carly's cell via speed dial. I paced around outside the apartment complex, muttering impatiently, "C'mon, Carly. Pick up, _pick up!"_

"Hey, it's Carly. Leave a message!" Her cheery tone suddenly made me want to throw up.

The beep echoed throughout my eardrums, and I started rambling like a disturbed person. "CARLY! Where _are_ you? You have to pick up—Sam was crying—_crying!_ She wouldn't talk to me, and she just vanished! I don't know what's wrong, she kept trying to get you to open the door and then she ran and I don't know what she's gonna do—Carly, she was _beside_ herself! And I don't know where she is…she could be dead for all I know—Carly come back, call her, do _something!_ I don't know what to do! I—"

I screamed with rage as my phone suddenly powered down because of the lack of battery. For once, I, Freddie Benson, had no clue what to do.

Sam was crying—no, _beside _herself _sobbing—and I couldn't do anything about it._

CARLY POV

*beep beep* "New voicemail." *beep beep*

Confused, I deactivated the screen lock and saw that I had a new voice message. "Dang it! Spencer, I told you there's something wrong with my phone!" Spencer briefly turned his eyes towards me and focused back on the road to Yakima. "It never rings when someone calls me!"

"Hmm. Kay. After school one of these days I'll take you."

"Thanks." I typed in my password and listened to the computerized woman's brief welcome words. Then what I heard next shook my very core.

"_Carly! Where are you? You have to pick up—" _I listened to the rest of Freddie's message, stunned. When it abruptly ended, I slowly said, "Spencer. Turn around."

SAM POV

"SAM? SAM!" I immediately muffled by sobs. I knew that voice. He would never find me. He couldn't.

I dared risk a glance from behind the dumpster and froze when I saw Freddie's figure at the end of the alley near the street. I watched as he looked around, yelled in frustration, and ran off in another direction. "SAM!"

I closed my eyes and leaned against the dirty brick wall. Holding my knees, I buried my head and tried to silence my tears.

Much easier said than done.

CARLY POV

Before Spencer had even stopped the car, I flung open the door and leapt out. I ignored Lewbert's shrieks and raced up the stairs to the eighth floor. When you have enough adrenaline, you can do anything.

I frantically pounded on Freddie's door, but no one answered. I screamed my frustration as I raced back down the stairs, nearly colliding with Spencer, who was keeled over, wheezing from the effort. He really _did_ need to work out…

"Freddie's not answering the door! Come on!" Spencer gasped and managed, "Aww!" I quickly glared at him and yelled, "Sam's _life_ is at stake! Come _on!_ If Sam was as bad as Freddie's message said…she could have—no—she wouldn't, right?" I look at Spencer with tears in my eyes as I tugged him down the stairs with me.

"NO! Carly, we'll find her!" His eyes widened, and he seemed to get a new burst of energy.

We got back down to the main lobby in record time and Spencer raced to the car and started it up again. I started to run down the street, but Spencer yelled, "Carly! Get in the car! Wheels are faster than feet!" I paused, considering going back in the car, but then I heard something.

I started sprinting as if Spencer was driving after me, trying to run me over. _Sam_.

I followed the sound as quickly as I could, but when it seemed like I was going in the right direction, the sound came from the way I had come. Bewildered, I started back. And then, the sound came from my left. And there she was.

"Sam—" I breathed. I raced towards the blonde wisp of hair peeking out from behind a dumpster and grunted as I shoved the dumpster away from the wall of the building. Sam looked up at me and broke down all over again.

"I'm here, Sam. It's okay…it's okay. Ssh…"

Sam couldn't talk she was crying so hard. I had never seen her like this. I heard loud footfalls and Spencer suddenly appeared in the alleyway. My eyes widened at him and I frantically motioned with my arm that wasn't cradling Sam's fragile figure for him to leave. He looked relieved, hurt, confused, and worried all at the same time, but consented.

"I found you, Sam. I'm here, I'm so sorry…Let it out Sam…I love you—" She let out a loud sob at my last sentence and flung her arms around me and buried herself in my shirt.

FREDDIE POV

I had looked everywhere. _Everywhere._

Sam's house, the Groovy Smoothie, Gallini's pie shop, even _school_…

And I couldn't find Sam. I called Carly over an hour ago—did she even get the message? She couldn't call me back—my phone had died. My mother had taken the car for her job—I was traveling by foot. I resentfully started to make my way back to Bushwell Plaza to wait for Carly and Spencer.

And lo' and behold, when I finally got back twenty minutes later, my eyes caught sight of Spencer's car in the parking lot. My heart stopped and I ran harder. I saw Spencer leaning against the wall by the front door of the apartment complex with his forehead leaning against his hand. One of his feet was making a triangle because it was propped up against the wall.

"SPENCER!" His head snapped up and he ran towards me, closing the distance between us rapidly. "Where's Sam? Have you found her? Wait—where's Carly?"

He motioned with his right arm. "They're in an alley thataways—" He stopped when I tried to run. Grabbing my pajama T-shirt, he said, "No, Freddie. Sam needs some space. She really needs Carly right now. We can't be there making her all self-conscious."

"But—"

"No! Think about what's best for Sam!"

I sighed and ran my fingers through my hair as he released me. "Do you know what happened?"

"No—and it's _killing_ me!"

I walked in circles, trying to calm my racing heart. Sam was alive. Sam was safe. Sam was okay.

Needless to say, I was ready to burst into tears myself. This was all too much.

"C'mon, let's go to the apartment and wait for them," Spencer said, eyeing me with concern. I reluctantly complied.

CARLY POV

"And then—and then—then—" I patted her back, patiently waiting for her to begin again. "And then he told me—my mom's dead, Carly—and I just _can't—"_ She burst into tears.

My heart dropped and my chest tightened. _What?_

"_What?"_ I voiced.

"Carly—Carly I love you so much…" Her body shuddered and I held her close to me. Maybe no one else saw it, but I knew Sam really loved her mother. No matter how much she put Sam through.

"Then—then what?" I dared to ask, immediately kicking myself for being so stupid. Why would I say that?

But she responded. "He—he said that—Carly—" She looked up at me with those blue eyes, breaking my heart all over again. "She was raped—and—and murdered—"

That was when my heart stopped beating. _WHAT? _Raped? Killed?

I started crying with her. _How could this happen?_

"I love you Sam…I'm so sorry—I know I can't make you feel better—I can't _imagine_ how you must feel…" But I couldn't continue on; Sam's sobs overpowering the sound of my shaky voice. I burst into another round of tears. Sam didn't deserve any of this—she's been through _way_ too much to deal with this right now.

OoOoOoOoOoO

After around half an hour or so, I got Sam to finally calm down enough to stand up. "C'mon, let's go to the apartment. It's getting cold out here."

"Thanks, Carls…"

We took the elevator—the stairs were _out_ of the question. **(A/N: A little but of humor for ya there…)**

FREDDIE POV

It was taking them _forever!_ What was wrong with Sam?

Spencer handed me a glass of lemonade; I set it on the coffee table. Wasn't interested.

"Spencer," I started. "What do you think—"

"I have no idea, kiddo. Sam has never acted like this before. You should have seen her face when she was with Carly in the alley—" He suddenly shuddered.

My brow furrowed. "Not helping with the worry, Spence."

"Oh. Sorry." He looked down and paused, then looked back up. "It's just that—she's my second sister. It kills me to see her like this…" he trailed off.

I heard a click and I shot up from the couch, looking at the front door apprehensively. Sam was leaning on Carly with her right arm around Carly's shoulders. Sam was a mess. She had deeply bloodshot eyes and her cheeks were pale. She wouldn't look at me or Spencer. Out of pain? Embarrassment? Fear?

Carly mouthed the words "You have to go" to me when Sam wasn't paying attention. I shook my head furiously—there was no way I was leaving without knowing what was wrong with Sam and before she was okay.

But Carly gave me that look. _I mean it._ And I knew that Sam would feel more comfortable with me out of the picture. And that bothered me. A lot.

So I reluctantly went out of the apartment and considered putting my ear against the door so I could eavesdrop. Then Carly's door suddenly opened and I saw Sam lying on the couch with Spencer's arms wrapped around her. Carly was at the door and softly said, "Don't even think about it, Freddie," and shut it again.

I sighed and walked into my apartment.

At least Sam was safe.

**How'd I do? PLEASE REVIEW! I'm the kind of person that screams and dances around when she gets just one review… :D The next chapter will be out soon!**


	5. Downfall

**PLEASE READ: Okay, I noticed there was some minor confusion from the last chapter. When Carly and Sam were telling each other "I love you", it was friendship/sister love, NOT the other kind. Best friends say "I love you" to each other…right? Haha, but anyway, thanks for reading and the reviews! I go insane whenever another one pops up! So here's Chapter Four: "Downfall" (Arg, I come up with the LAMEST chapter titles… xD). OH, and I do NOT own iCarly...but a girl can dream, right?**

SAM POV

Carly left the front door and made her way back to me and Spencer. Being cradled in his arms made me feel so secure and loved; something I haven't felt in a while. Spencer was a fatherly figure for me, but he would _always_ be my big brother.

She sat on the chair next to the couch. An awkward silence prevailed and Carly tried to break it by clearing her throat. She failed miserably when the silence after that was worse than the previous one.

Spencer rubbed my arm comfortingly and I could picture staying in his arms forever.

"So Sam…I—uh…" Carly intelligently began.

I took a deep breath and sucked it up. "Spencer, my mom died. She was raped and murdered. I don't know where else to go," I stated matter of factly, trying to erase any emotion from my voice. Spencer was still trying to register what I had just said and he took a deep, shaky breath. "I—I'm so sorry Sam…" I moaned. I never liked people feeling sorry for me. It made me feel weak. I sat up, detaching myself from Spencer's hold. I immediately felt his warmth leave me, and I hated that. I also hated that I felt lost without someone holding me. Man, I was _already_ becoming an emotional wreck.

"And this is why we aren't telling anyone else." Carly and Spencer looked at me with confusion. "You know how I hate being drooled over, and if people at school knew, then they wouldn't stop leaving me alone, smothering me with apologies and pretending like they have a _clue_ as to what I'm going through." I took a deep breath. "You can't even tell Freddie."

"But he's our best friend! You can't just leave him in the dark like that!"

"Carly, I mean it. I don't want his sympathy."

"But Sam, don't you get it? He _cares_. People at school might not know you that well, so they might not care as much. But you've known Freddie since, like, forever! He _cares_ about you, Sam—"

"I don't want people knowing, Carly! I told _you_ because we're basically sisters and the first thing that came to my mind when…I found out…was to find you. We tell each other _every_thing. I only told Spencer, well, because…I might end up living here?" I basically just asked my best friend and her brother if I could live with them. Did I sound desperate or what?

Carly gave Spencer a pleading look, but you could tell he had already made up his mind since the moment he found out the truth. "No doubt, Sam. I just have to figure out a way to get legal custody of you…those 72 hours of law school should come in handy…" Carly rolled her eyes.

"But remember when we made that promise that all three of us, you, me, and Freddie, would tell each other _everything?_" Carly pointed out, bringing us back to the main conversation.

I gave her a menacing look and deadpanned, "Circumstances have changed, Carly."

Tears immediately formed in her eyes as she bit her lip and stared at her folded hands in her lap. "Sorry, Carls. I didn't mean to be so…mean…" She gave me a small smile.

"Okay, but you know he'll figure out sooner or later." She sighed.

"Yeah, but hopefully by that point I'll be able to deal with people hanging all over me." Carly nodded, finally understanding.

There was a knock at the door. I watched as she sprung out of her seat to go answer it and resisted the urge to find my way back into Spencer's arms.

I sucked in a loud breath when Carly opened the door to two policemen. What had I done _this_ time?

Oh, right. I ran away from that police officer that told me about…my mother.

As soon as he had described the circumstances of her death, I couldn't take it. I mean, he _had_ to go and tell me about which bar he found her near, and how she was stuffed inside a dumpster in the alley in the back of the bar. And about the condition her body was in…I mean, come _on_! What cop goes into _that _much detail when they tell someone of a family member's death for the first time? And then he explained something about traces of DNA found on her body that weren't hers and how they were being analyzed as he was speaking… I had slammed the door right in his face when he was in the middle of talking, ran my way to the back door, raced outside, and hopped the fence. I had taken a detour to Carly's apartment.

I shrank against Spencer, who took me into his arms protectively. I shuddered at the sudden warmth that spread throughout my body.

"Hello, miss? Do you know a girl by the name-Samantha Puckett?" One of them asked with a serious expression, looking at the brunette.

Carly was at a loss; so was Spencer. I growled and snapped at the officer from the couch:

"It's _Sam!" _**(A/N: Haha, typical Sam.)**

CARLY POV

I don't want to get into all the details, but Spencer somehow managed to keep Sam from tearing the policeman's limbs apart and told them how all of her relatives were either in prison, on trial to get a prison sentence, or dead. Since Spencer dropped out of law school after three days, he didn't really know much about the whole "legal custody" process.

So it took a while. Lots of papers. Lots of meetings with professionals. Lots of stress.

But it was all worth it.

Spencer and I helped Sam clean out the house and give away all of Pam's things to charity. She didn't want to keep anything of her mother's.

Since that Tuesday, she had missed school, ordering me to tell everyone that she was sick. Which, in a way, was true.

Spencer took good care of her. He was the father Sam never got to have, even though Sam believes in the whole brother-sister relationship with him. It was like the idea of having a father seemed fake and distant to her.

Except Spencer told me that Sam hadn't been eating. Which was _**not**_ Sam.

She even refused…

Ham. **(A/N: *Gasp!* xD)**

This was NOT my Sam! She was always up and about, insulting Freddie and making me laugh with her crazy antics. I hadn't had Freddie over at _all_ that week out of respect for Sam. She refused to see him. I'm still confused as to why.

When Freddie asked me why Sam was at my house, I had to lie to him again…which was hard for me. I had said that her mother went out of town for a few days with some man she had met. It wasn't hard for him to find that believable.

I had decided to cancel the web show for that week. At first, just the thought seemed like the end of the world, but Sam was right. Circumstances had changed.

Freddie still had no idea what was going on. I think he believed me when I told him Sam was sick, but he was suspicious after my canceling of the show. I just told him something lame about not wanting Sam to feel left out again, what with the whole juvie thing for putting a burrito down the Mexican ambassador's pants and the Missy incident.

The results for the DNA found on Pam Puckett's body came in, and the police found and arrested a Hector Garcia. His trial would be in February, and he would stay in jail until then. I couldn't read Sam's reaction when she found out. It was like she was numb to everything.

Then it was Sunday. The day of the funeral for Pam Puckett.

I put on my nicest black dress and black heels and took a jacket. Spencer put on, yes, his black tux, and Sam chose black high tops, black skinny jeans, and a black top. I was secretly relieved that Sam hadn't asked for something nice (a dress). That would have set me over the edge. Sam hadn't worn _anything_ girly after that whole Pete incident.

Sam didn't say a word on the car ride there. Although she wasn't wearing out-of-the-ordinary clothes, she had been dead silent this entire week, just staring off into space all day and every day while laying on the couch. She wouldn't talk to anybody. Not. One. Word. Her expressions were unreadable. I had noticed bags under her eyes.

But she hadn't been crying, at least not when I was with her. I'm not sure if I should be happy or worried about that.

We got there half an hour early, and while Spencer and I greeted people until the beginning of the ceremony, Sam raced off to the bathroom. When the service began, however, she silently slid in next to my seat.

Melanie had come back into town for that day. She didn't talk much either. I could tell she just wanted to forget about her mother's passing. She insisted on going back to her boarding school permanently the following day, not wanting to stay in Seattle at all with constant memories of her mother haunting her.

Not many people were there. No one really knew and/or liked Sam's mother, and people at school still didn't know that she _had_ died. I did notice that the man who had locked the three of us up in the therapy box was present…which was a little weird.

So only Spencer and I had made speeches at the funeral except for a few brave souls who said brief apologies on the platform. Sam refused to speak.

It was over after a little bit, and everyone starting filing out after they had seen Pam Puckett in the casket and couldn't find Sam, who had escaped to the bathroom again, trying to avoid the hugs and the tears.

Sam came back when she noticed it was quieter now that everyone had left. I didn't want to see Sam's mom in the casket and neither did Spencer. Who _knows_ what she looked like? She was _raped_…and _murdered_. We saw that Sam was hanging back awkwardly when Spencer and I were making our way out the door. Spencer looked at me and nodded; this had to be alone time for Sam and her mother.

We waited in the car for her for around ten minutes. She then came back, and we had a silent journey back to the apartment.

OoOoOoOoOoO

Sam decided it was time to break her vow of silence the very next day and came to school with me. I was relieved. I missed hearing her voice, and I missed, well, _her_.

But I knew that my Sam Puckett wasn't back. I noticed right off the get-go that she was meaner than she usually is—very sarcastic and bitter. I had a bad feeling about school when on our way there, someone walking in the opposite direction accidentally bumped into her. I thought Sam would have just let it go, possibly with a brief snide remark, but instead, she screamed, "WATCH IT! OR YOU CAN WATCH ME SHOVE MY FIST UP YOUR NOSE!" I hurriedly grabbed her by the arm and pulled her away while briefly apologizing to the stunned woman.

We finally made it, and we were getting books out of our lockers, preparing ourselves for our first class. As I tugged out my chemistry book, I heard a "Hey."

I turned around and there was Freddie. "Hey, Freddie." Why did I feel so guilty around him?

When Sam didn't respond, Freddie swallowed and said, "Hey Sam."

"Dork," she growled, slamming her locker shut. I looked around anxiously, surprised Mr. Howard didn't appear from around the corner, giving Sam a double detention. It was a pretty loud _bang_.

"Uh—how…are you?"

"I feel like peaches and rainbows," Sam snarled. "How do you _think_ I'm doing?"

"I don't _know_, no one's telling me what's going _on!"_ Freddie retorted.

I didn't want this argument to escalate into a fist fight, because I knew that this was going to be Sam's next approach. I grabbed Sam's arm and urged, "C'mon, let's go to chem," while giving Freddie a "shut-up you're making it worse" look. He glanced down with a hurt expression on his face, looked up at Sam, longing for his friend back, and walked away, dejected.

FREDDIE POV

"AND THAT'S WHY NO ONE _EVER_ TELLS ME TO 'PLEASE MOVE'. _GOT IT?" _To my dismay, I saw Sam gripping the front of some freshman's shirt and screaming in his face. Wait, why was the boy's underwear—ah. Wedgie. **(A/N: This is me, trying to be funny…xD)**

The poor freshman nodded and Sam released him. Well, more like shoved him into some lockers and wheeled around in a huff. She froze when she saw me, and started speed-walking in the opposite direction. But I sprinted and held her back. "Sam…"

"_What?"_ I blinked, taken aback by the ferocious tone of her voice. She had been treating me like dirt all week, well, everyone like dirt, and so I shouldn't have been surprised. But somehow, Sam managed to find new ways to hurt people. And I was getting tired of it. The friendship that I thought had formed over the years was no longer existent. I couldn't see the laugh in Sam's blue eyes that I recognized time and time before. All I saw was hate and suspicion.

"Talk to me, Sam," I said quietly, staring into her eyes. I looked for any glimpse of the old Sam in there, just a moment of softness on her features. But I couldn't find it.

"Leave me alone, dork," she gave me a glare and tore her arm from my grasp. "And don't—don't touch me."

Wait, did Sam just stutter? Was the barrier she had built up cracking?

"Sam—" My hand started to reach for her.

"What did I _just_ say, dipthong?" She stepped backwards quickly, away from my reach. I saw something in her eyes that wasn't there before. Fear.

"Sam, are you—_afraid_ of me?" My brain still couldn't register what I had just seen.

"Get lost or I will punch the living daylights out of you." I noticed her hands ball into fists. I knew I wouldn't get anything more out of her. I had just accused her of being weak, afraid.

OoOoOoOoOoO

I decided enough was enough. I wanted the old Sam back. After school ended Friday and I got home, instead of doing the weekend's homework to get it out of the way, I took a deep breath and exited the safety of my apartment and entered the war zone of Carly's. Funny how the environments of the two apartments just switched like that…

The two of them were sitting on the couch, watching Girly Cow and eating popcorn. Well, _Carly_ was eating the popcorn and watching while Sam just stared off into space.

"Hey."

I immediately saw Sam stiffen and inch ever so slightly towards Carly. Carly turned off the TV. "Um, hey, Freddie. What's up?" Sam's attitude had gotten in the way of my friendship with Carly, too. I could tell she felt awkward around me and was lying to me for the past two weeks. That was just unacceptable. It was bad enough that my relationship with Sam was ruined—and now Carly? This _had_ to end.

I strode up to the couch, planted my feet in front of Sam, and ordered, "I want to know what happened. Now."

She looked up at me and gave me a glare so vicious that I swore—it would have definitely killed me if looks could do such a thing.

"Get lost, dishrag." Carly was speechless.

"NO, Sam. I'm DONE putting up with _all_ of your _stupid_ tantrums. Remember when we all promised we'd tell each other everything! Well that's just plain—STUPID!" The intensity of my rant suffered from my second use of the word, but I kept going. "You think you're the exception! Nothing's changed, Sam! Now suck it up and lay it out for me."

Her body trembled with rage. "Get out."

"ARGH! You're so—frustrating! You only care about your_self_!"

"Freddie…" Carly began, but I paid her no attention.

"You're a coward Sam. A selfish _coward_."

"Look in the mirror, stupid!" She shot back.

"_Me_? Who's the one that had her best friend lie to me for the past two weeks about what was going on? You think that made Carly feel _good_? Well I can tell you one thing Sam. _You're_ the reason the three of us are falling apart! This is _your _fault!"

"Don't you _DARE!" _Sam shot up from the couch. So did Carly. "Freddie_…" _She said weakly.

"I'm tired of putting up with you, Sam. You're spineless!"

"You're an idiot!"

"You're so self-absorbed!"

"You're the biggest loser on the planet!"

"You have the most _disgusting_ personality out of _every_one I've ever met."

"Ex_cuse_ me?"

"Yeah—like mother like daughter," I spat out.

I heard Carly gasp. Sam's face immediately fell and the burning look left her eyes and was replaced with a dazed expression. I felt satisfied; I had finally gotten through to her. I was waiting for an apology of some sort when Sam just looked at me, tears springing into her eyes. She looked so hurt that I was taken off guard. Carly started calmly, "Sam—he didn't mean—" when she just ran out of the apartment, leaving me staring after her, stunned. Carly overcame her shock after a few long seconds.

"YOU _IDIOT!"_ She screamed, and shoved me to the side, causing me to fall on the floor. She raced after Sam. "SAM! HE DIDN'T MEAN IT! YOU KNOW HE DIDN'T KNOW-!" The apartment door slammed. I heaved myself up and rubbed my head where it had made contact with the floor. I saw Spencer staring at me wide-eyed.

"What _happened?"_

I just shook my head. Whatever it was, I knew I had screwed up.

SAM POV

_How could he say that, how could he say that, how could he say that-_

Tears overflowed my cheeks as I stumbled down the stairs and out of the apartment complex. I started racing down the sidewalk through the heavy downpour towards the alley I had gone to last time, but I didn't want Carly to find me now. I suddenly halted as I heard a car horn. I faced by body towards the street and saw the Seattle traffic whiz by.

I went forward a step. Should I…

"SAM! _NO_!" I heard a shriek behind me and turned around only to be tackled by Carly. We fell to the cement of the sidewalk with a loud thud, puddles of rain exploding with loud splashes beside us.

"Sam…Sam…_Sam_…!" Carly started crying and she hugged me so hard that I thought I would snap and break in half. "Don't _ever_ do that to me Sam…d-don't…" I let the tears pour down my face too when I grasped the realization of what had almost happened. I started to shake uncontrollably. I couldn't even trust myself. Spencer and Carly were the only ones in my life who I could count on.

"I-I don't know what I was doing—I'm sorry…I don't know what came over me—"

CARLY POV

I didn't sleep a wink that night. I kept looking at Sam's blonde waves on the pillow next to mine, wondering what would have happened if I had come outside only a second later-

I shuddered at the thought. Sam was here. Sam was alive. _Stop it Carly. Stop._

But I couldn't stop a lone tear from sliding down my cheek. And then another…

**Thanks for reading! And if anyone doesn't understand what just happened, you can ask in a review or just wait for future chapters, because it's clarified a little bit more later. Hmm, was this chapter a little bit on the short side? Sorry, I just felt it would be nice to end the chapter here. So what didya think? Keep your eyes open for the next one! And special thanks to 'jackpotdante' and 'alwayssmiling11' for reviewing!**


	6. November 18th

**Hola! Here's Chapter Five: "November 18****th****"**

SAM POV

I woke up groggily to Carly's face a foot away from mine. Her right hand propped it up, and she was staring intently at me. I cleared my senses.

"Carly? Did you sleep at _all_?"

She looked down. "Uh—a little…"

I knew her better. "I'm sorry about yesterday, Carly. I promise that whatever happened won't have a repeat. I wasn't myself."

"But how do you know that you won't get really upset and—and…"

"I won't." I stared her dead in the eye. "I promise. We can ankle-shake on it if you like." Her expression smoothed back into a small smile. She hugged me.

FREDDIE POV

I couldn't sleep at all that night.

I had screwed up, and that look in Sam's eyes…she would never forgive me.

If only I knew what caused her to act like that!

My thoughts were interrupted by sharp knocks on the front door. I eased off the couch in my apartment and opened it to a fuming Carly. She pushed her way in.

"I cannot be_lieve_ you did that Freddie. How _stupid _can you—"

"Carly." I calmly interrupted her. Her eyes flashed. "Why was she like that? You _have_ to tell me, please. Or else I can't know what I did!"

"_Anyone_ would have taken what you said offensively!"

"Yeah, but she took it _way_ more seriously than that!"

She shook her head. "And you have the _audacity_ to compare her to her mother? How—how _dare_ you! She was nothing like that _witch_!"

"I think you mean 'is', Carly," I said, thinking I was correcting her last sentence.

Her breath hitched and she hesitated for a split second before retorting, "Sam's mom _died_, Freddie."

My mouth hung agape and I got lightheaded. I grabbed onto the coat-hanger next to us for balance. "No…Carly—please tell me you're lying…" Everything made sense now…random memories of the past few weeks came flooding back—Sam sobbing, screaming for Carly. Sam staying at the Shay's. Sam's refusal to tell a soul with the exception of Carly and Spencer. The cancelled webshows. Sam's silence and then her bitterness.

_What have I DONE?_

"Do you _seriously_ think I would lie about something like this!" Her hands clenched into fists. "She almost _died_ because of what you said!"

"W-_what_?"

"She almost jumped in the middle of moving traffic, Freddie!"

My arms immediately became deadweights and my chest tightened to the point of exploding. "Is she—is she…?"

"I won't say she's fine, because she's not. But she's alive and not hurt. Physically."

That last addition made me want to cry. "I need to talk to her."

"Do you honestly think she wants to _see_ you right now, let alone _talk_ to you? Freddie, there's—there's something else." Carly looked down, tears approaching.

My heart dropped. "What?"

"Her…mom. She was raped, and then…murdered." She let out a sob.

"_WHAT?"_

Carly furiously rubbed her eyes. "Now do you see what an _idiot_ you are? You _ruined_ her, Freddie! This is _your_ fault, _not_ hers!"

"I—"

"Do you think she wouldn't let me tell you just to get on your nerves? Did you not even stop to consider that there was a _reason_ behind all of that? She wasn't ready to deal with it yet! She's been through a lot even _before_ all this happened—it was the LEAST I could do for her!"

"Carly, I—"

"And you can't take back what you said! You can't fix it this time, Freddie." I was speechless as she began to leave. Carly suddenly stopped in the doorway, and turned around. She took in the expression on my face and said softly, "I know that you're sorry Freddie. We all make mistakes and I…forgive you. But I think that it's best if you stay away from Sam."

And then she left.

SAM POV

October dragged into November. I saw my violent nature slowly melt away with every passing day.

But my lost bitterness was replaced by depression and regret. I barely ate anymore. All of my clothes were getting baggy on me, and my extra weight was slowly fading away. I felt weak and tired all the time. I slept only enough to get by.

I felt disconnected from the world. I felt disconnected from the people around me, the environment that surrounded me. I felt alone—even though I was the one pushing everyone away.

I felt disconnected from music.

I never listened or played or sang anymore. I had promised Carly that I would keep living each passing day, but each one seemed to last longer than the previous. I felt like half of me was missing, buried somewhere I couldn't reach.

Somewhere, _way_ in the back of my mind, I knew I missed having Freddie as a friend. I had thought that he was someone I could trust. Someone I could count on. Someone that wouldn't just leave me, like so many other people had.

But ever since that day, I never saw him. Carly had guiltily admitted that she told Freddie what was wrong with me, and I was angry at first, but then that feeling melted away. Freddie now knew why I was acting the way I was. I was expecting him to come up to talk to me and try to sort things out, but he hadn't. And I wondered why. Did he not care?

For some reason, this distance made me feel safe for the first couple of weeks. But after that I just wanted my friend back. I then disciplined myself not to care for him—because he didn't care for me.

FREDDIE POV

I could never stop thinking about Sam. Even the rare times I slept, I dreamt of the good times. Times when we were talking about how the day went, just me and her. Times when she would playfully call me names and embarrass me on the show. Times when we were laughing so hard we would have to lean against each other for support. We were going so strong…

I always woke up sweating and chest heaving.

Half of me was cut off and reduced into nothing. I needed Sam in my life. Not being able to see her at all killed me. I cut off communication from my mother—which freaked her out to say the very least. I barely talked to Carly anymore, even though she implied that we were still friends. It was like losing Sam made me lose her too. And it was awkward trying to talk to Spencer, so I just gave up.

On November 18th, I saw Sam for the first time ever since that fateful day. It was at school.

The time was 7:41, four minutes before first period began. I remember that day so vividly.

I was turning the corner to go to my locker. Carly and I had secretly agreed that she and Sam would go to their lockers ten minutes before class started, and I would five minutes before. Our lockers were too close; we couldn't all be in the area at the same time. That way, Sam's path and my path wouldn't cross. We also temporarily cancelled the show. It was pitiful. But I thought that was what Sam wanted. It was for the best, wasn't it?

But when I caught sight of my locker, I saw her. Them. At their lockers, Carly frantically shoving books in her bag while glancing at her watch every few seconds and Sam letting a folder fall into her backpack. I froze.

And so did they when the two closed their locker doors and turned around to face me, ten feet away. I was in shock when I stared at Sam. It looked like she had lost more than thirty pounds! There were deep shadows around her eyes and she was pale. Too pale. I saw her mouth drop open a little and her chest rise upward as she drew in a quick breath. Carly nervously looked from her to me. And back and forth.

We stood there like our brains had suddenly shut down. All I could do was stare at Sam, drinking in every line of her face and her figure, every detail of her presence. I locked eyes with her, which was a big mistake. She started to tremble at first, but soon her hands started to shake like a _really_ bad case of arthritis. She would have dropped her book if it weren't for Carly's fast reflexes.

Carly tried to catch my eye so she could give me a look that would say "GET OUT OF HERE!" but I couldn't tear myself away from Sam's gaze. I swore I thought that Sam was trying to tell me something with that look, but I couldn't read it.

All three of us jumped when the warning bell sounded. Two minutes before class started. Carly led Sam away by the arm and I wanted to scream after them, but I couldn't. As I frantically grabbed things out of my locker and shoved them in my backpack, all I could think about was the next time I would see Sam again, _if _there wasa next time.

SAM POV

It was on November 18th that I started to listen to music again. Well, it wasn't out of my own will, I guess. I was just messing around on YouTube because I sure wasn't going to do my homework, like Carly was downstairs. I was in her room, fooling around with her computer.

I didn't know what kind of video I wanted to watch, so out of desperation, I typed in four random letters, "ltfp", in the search bar to see what would come up. My face twisted into a confused expression when I saw that the title of the first video was "We Shot the Moon – LTFP". Huh? There was a song called "LTFP"? What on _earth _did _that_ stand for? **(A/N: Anyone know? Because I still have no idea, haha…And they're a great band, btw :D)**

I clicked on the video, and when the song started, my heart fluttered. The first musical note I had heard in a long, long time.

_Settle down and think it through_

_Everything's not lost…_

I allowed myself to get lost in the song and closed my eyes, leaning back and letting my head hang over the couch. The chorus was amazing, and there was a slightly different beat when the second verse began.

_Come back to me, you're all I know_

_There's words I need to say…_

My eyes gently opened, realizing how true those words were.

When the song ended after a couple more minutes, I clicked on one of the links in the column on the right. I didn't feel like listening to a depressing song just then, so I chose a title that seemed upbeat. "We Shot the Moon – Hope".

The song started off a little slow, and then picked up a little.

_Wave goodbye to a time_

_That you once believed, was everything_

My heart soared as the chorus began.

_I'm ready to live, I'm ready to dream!_

_I'm ready for fear, love, and everything between!_

_Don't tell me I'm right; don't tell me I'm wrong,_

_Just tell me I'm strong enough for one more song…_

As soon as the song ended, I clicked on another link at the right. "We Shot the Moon – Upon Waking She Found Herself a Cougar", which I thought was an odd title for a song.

_To rise is to fall. At every turn there's another wall_

_Is it true, or a lie? The more I see, the more I hide._

It was official. Music was finally making its way back into my life, and I couldn't have been more ecstatic.

_It's all that I've been looking for: love through an open door_

_It was all that I was looking for: your love through an open door…_

I quickly clicked on another link…then another. And another. The band's music was addicting…I couldn't stop listening to it! There were so many connections I could make with all of the songs. It was over an hour before I thought I had listened to every song of theirs that was on YouTube. But when I was about to listen to "On Your Way" again because it had become one of my favorites, an unfamiliar song title caught my attention. I clicked on the link to "We Shot the Moon – Woke Her Up".

_Woke her up, late last night…told her something didn't feel quite right_

_She looked at me, half asleep; said "You're crazy, just go back to bed"_

_I walked two miles to be alone; felt the cool air against my bones_

_On Second Street, I'll second guess everything I said_

_Are you near? __**Are you still gonna save me**_

_**From my fears? **__ Are you still gonna save me?_

_Beyond the hills, beneath the stars_

_By Saint Christopher, I fell apart._

_The sun came up, so high above_

_**I could not let myself be loved…**_

_I need the daylight, need the daylight now_

_**There is a stranger in my head**_

_Put my clothes on, left a note that read_

"_**I'm sorry my love failed again"**_

_Woke her up, late last night_

_Told her something didn't feel quite right…_

_Are you near? Are you still gonna save me_

_From my fears? Are you still gonna save me?_

When the song ended, a tear escaped my eye and ran down my cheek. I was officially in love with this band.

**Okay, I'm kind of bummed as to how this chapter came out. It's really short and bad…I'M SORRY! But another chapter will be uploaded soon, I'll try my best to make it ah-mazing! xD All of your support and reviews are much appreciated. And you'll see that music has a big influence in this story.. ;)**


	7. On the Inside

**I keep forgetting to put this: DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN iCARLY NO MATTER HOW MUCH I WANT TO. I DO NOT OWN THE SONGS IN HERE EITHER! I hope "On the Inside" is better than "November 18****th"****! Enjoy! And pleeeeease review! And please participate in the poll on my profile page!**

CARLY POV

When I was about to finish my pre-calc homework, my Lady Gaga ringtone let me know that someone was calling me. Hmm, my phone was suddenly working. I looked at the Caller-ID. Freddie.

_Uh oh._

I answered with a cautious "Hello?"

"_Carly_?"

"Yeah, I'm so sorry about today, I just overslept and we couldn't get to our lockers on time and—"

"_Carly_," he interrupted. "_I_ _don't care about that. Has—has Sam been eating?_"

My face heated and my homework became a blur in my lap. "Uh…why?" I lamely replied.

"_You're kidding, right? She's lost so much weight, Carly. It's unhealthy what she's putting herself through!"_

"I know, I know," I mumbled. "I mean, Spencer and I have been trying to offer her things, but she only has like a couple slices of ham a day that we force her to eat and that's it! I've told her that I was worried, but she told me she'd eat more after a little more time. But that was weeks ago! I don't know what to do, Freddie! I—"

"_Okay, Carly. Calm down. I just wanted to make sure you weren't going to let her keep doing this…"_

"Of course not! In fact, I'll go upstairs right now and—"

"Hey, Carls!" I heard from behind me. I whirled my head around and saw Sam coming down the stairs. "Uh, hold on a sec," I told Freddie, putting my phone down on the coffee table. "What's up?"

"You got any fatcakes?"

My heart leapt into my throat and I ventured to ask, "You're…hungry?"

"Yeah, I guess you could say that." Her eyebrows raised. "So is that a yes or a no?"

"Yes!" I practically shouted. "There's a whole pack of them in the cabinet on the top right in the kitchen!"

She smiled. "Thanks."

She got out two, dropped one on the coffee table in front of me, and plopped down on the couch next to my glowing face. "So who're you talking to?"

Oh, right. Freddie.

"Uh—" I stumbled. "One sec." I grabbed my Pear Phone and spoke. "Uh—yeah, Wendy? Can we—uh—talk about our project another time?" I head Freddie say, "_Huh_?" but I talked over him when I rushed, "Thanks, bye!" I smiled at Sam when I hung up and said, "So what goes on?"

"Nothin. What're you doing?" She took a large bite into her fatcake.

"Pre-calc." Sam audibly moaned.

I laughed. "Don't be all dramatic, I just have one more problem." Sam shoveled down the rest of her fatcake as I scribbled down the value of cos(x). "Done!"

"_Finally_. You gonna have your fatcake?"

"No…you want it?" I asked hopefully.

"Nah." I inwardly groaned. I knew it was too good to be true. Well, at least she was eating _something_ out of her own will. Sam put the fatcake back in the cabinet as I asked, "So are you going to do _any _of your homework?"

"Eh."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Eh."

"Need help with chem?"

"Meh."

I giggled. "C'mon, get out your book." She grudgingly tugged it out of her backpack.

Those next thirty minutes were spent busting up over our chemistry teacher who thought his jokes were even _remotely _funny.

"And then—" Sam paused for a shaky breath. I couldn't stop laughing with her. "And then he was like…" she was laughing so hard she couldn't breathe. "'Do you have mole problems? If so, call—" I cut her off with a loud gasp for air as I struggled to breathe. "Call Avogadro at 602-1023!" And she started cracking up. **(A/N: Haha, get it? I found this 'joke' on some random website…so I don't claim ANY ownership of it…I'm such a nerd xD)**

"What was _that_?" I managed. She leaned on my shoulder, trying to catch her breath. "I—don't know…!" And we started laughing all over again.

After a good two minutes of trying to get our act together, we finished the last two problems. "Ah, done!" Sam sighed, leaned back, and rested her feet on the coffee table.

Just then, Spencer waltzed into the room. "Now who's ready for some spaghetti tacos?"

I tensed, glancing at Sam through my peripheral vision. Spencer seemed to be holding his breath also.

Sam opened her mouth, probably to refuse any food, and then paused. "Yeah, I could go for some. It's been awhile, hasn't it…" She added after a moment.

My grin was so wide that it could have exploded off of my face. "C'mon, Spence! Let's cook us some FOOD!" I giggled, I sounded like Sam, well, the old Sam. But I could see parts of her resurfacing. She was coming back.

FREDDIE POV

"Freddie Freddie Freddie Freddie Freddie!" I heard as I turned around to see an over-excited Carly. "Guess what guess what guess—"

"What, Carly?" I gave her a smile.

"Sam's _eating_!" Her face was positively _glowing._

My forced smile transformed into a real one. "She—she _is?"_

"Yeah! We got home from school yesterday, she went upstairs for a couple hours while I did homework in the living room, came back down, and asked for a fatcake! And then we laughed together about our chem teacher for a good half-hour, just like old times. And she voluntarily ate some of Spencer's spaghetti tacos! Freddie, I think she's on her way back. Slowly, I know, but I don't think I've—we've—lost her forever."

I could have burst from ecstasy at that moment. "And you have no idea what she was doing upstairs?"

"Hmm." She looked thoughtful for a moment. "I guess that would be useful information."

I chuckled. "Probably." Then I looked down and cleared my throat. "So…she's…better off without me?"

Carly looked at me, sympathy written all over her face. "I—I don't know, Freddie. I know you miss her, but—" She suddenly stopped and made eye contact. "You know, yesterday she was…better, right?"

"Yeah, and?"

"And yesterday was the first time she saw you…in a while." She appeared to be thoughtful.

My heart soared.

"But she wasn't better until _after_ school…" Carly added after a moment.

My heart plummeted.

"Oh, right."

Carly gave me a forced smile. "Just give her a little more time, Freddie. I'm just trying to do what's best for her." I nodded glumly.

The bell rang. "I better get to class, see you Freddie."

"Bye, Carly."

SAM POV

I couldn't wait to get home from school that day to listen to music off of Carly's computer again. The day seemed to drag on forever, and then, _finally_, we got home, and I immediately went upstairs when Carly went to the kitchen to make herself a snack.

I let my backpack crash onto the floor and logged on to Carly's username. I typed in "The Undeserving – Something to Hope For". The Undeserving was another band I had discovered the day before. They were amazing.

I leaned back in the chair as I listened to the lyrics.

_Do you remember when life was an ember_

_Waiting to burst into flames?_

_Are you so tired and so uninspired_

_Slowly drifting to the end?_

_We fall down, we get up, we try to hold our head up_

_When life pulls us apart. And we fight and we bleed_

_But all we ever need is something to hope for._

What was I hoping for?

Well, having my mother come back into my life wasn't going to happen. And I doubted Freddie was ever going to try to come back into it. Was he _that_ scared to just apologize? Or did he just not care?

_Stop, Sam. You don't care about him, remember?_ I sighed. Who was I kidding?

True, I was deeply affected by what he had said to me. But I got over my pride and realized that he didn't know. He just got out of control and was frustrated that he couldn't be there for me when I was a mess. Not knowing what was wrong with me was probably eating away at him. He would have never said what he did had he known…

I let my hand cover my forehead. I had to stop thinking about him.

Just then, Carly entered her room and dropped her bag next to mine. "What are you doing?" She sounded concerned, probably because of where my hand was.

I was glad the song had ended before she came in. I still kept my music obsession to myself. I quickly exited out of the YouTube window and turned to her. "Just checking my email. Nothing much." I hated lying to her—I owed Carly so much. But—I just didn't want her to know yet.

"Oh, okay." She relaxed on the couch. "So, what do you want to do?"

I got up. "I was thinking…I kind of want to go outside, just for a little walk. I'll be back before an hour, is that okay?"

"Oh." Carly looked disappointed, like she wanted to spend time with me. "Yeah, that's fine."

I immediately felt bad. "When I get back, let's watch one of those chick flicks you like." I grimaced on the inside, but it was the least I could do for her.

She grinned knowingly. "You're not fooling me, Sam. We'll pick out a movie we _both_ want to see when you get back. I have to go to the bathroom; see you when you get back!"

When she left, I quickly grabbed my guitar out of its hiding spot: underneath the heap of clothes in my half of the closet. I found the pick in one of the drawers in one of my socks. I quietly ran down the stairs and out of the apartment before Spencer or Carly saw me. Instead of going out the main lobby and outside like I said I would, I went to the fire escape. For some reason, I was afraid to go out in the city by myself. And for some _other_ odd reason, I felt safe being at the fire escape.

I sat down on the ledge, where I had a few years ago when I apologized to Freddie for telling the world that he had never kissed anyone. I got comfortable and then considered what I should play.

I wanted to play and sing a song that described how I felt at the moment. I wanted to clear my mind of the world around me and of all of the things that have been happening to me. I thought. I really thought.

And I strummed the first chord as I sang.

"Your life is like a crack in the mirror

Seven years of bad luck, it ain't getting better now

Not 'til all is said and done…

Reflection in the window is the same old face

Background, small town, everywhere you look around

**Tell me what you're running from**

Flip a coin and let it land in your hand

Heads you're gonna stay but it's tails so you can

Move, to another town

Hide where you're sure you won't be found

But it's still just you on the inside

You can pretend it'll be alright

**Sell it to yourself, but you know it's just a lie**

Cause it's still just you on the inside

Still you on the inside

Nothing faster than the speed of your leaving

Hundred miles an hour and there ain't no slowing down

But you can't outrun yourself

You can say you fit in like a joker in the deck but now,

You're skipping like a broken record going 'round

And **you're the last to ask for help**

It's never really been a question of how far

**And at the end of every destination, there you are…**

You can go and change your name; **to me you'll always be the same**

You can try to run and hide; **you'll always be the same inside**

It's still just you on the inside…"

**(A/N: Sam did NOT write this song; she just likes it a lot. And I ditched some of the unnecessary lyrics so it would be shorter…)**

I stopped and breathed hard for a second, trying to catch my breath. I guess I didn't realize how much I got into the song. The strings of my guitar were still vibrating because I was strumming so hard. It felt nice to just be able to lose myself in music without having anyone around me, making me self-conscious.

FREDDIE POV

I came home from school that day with my head cluttered with conflicting emotions. My brain felt like it was going to explode! And my mom hovering around me trying to strike "pleasant conversation" wasn't helping at _all. _"Mom, MOM!" She abruptly stopped her ranting about how you can't put too much cheese on a grilled cheese sandwich and looked at me. "I'm gonna go out—I'll be back in like half an hour."

"But Freddie—"

"Mom! I'll be _fine_! I'll see you later, okay?"

"But—"

"How about we make a puzzle when I get back, okay?" _Anything_ to get her to leave me alone…

"Oh, alright. Be safe! Stranger danger, make smart choices!" She sang.

I resisted rolling my eyes and practically ran out the door. I breathed a sigh of relief when the door closed. I considered knocking on Carly's door, but I wasn't sure if Sam would want to see me. _She's better off without you, Freddie, _I reminded myself. _Think about what's best for her._

I decided to go to the fire escape. I usually go there when I really need to just be alone and _think._

But when I was walking down the hallway towards the fire escape, I saw part of a navy blue jacket and long, blonde waves of hair on the ledge. Someone else was there.

And that someone was Sam.

I immediately stopped and just gaped at the back of her head. She was holding something, but I dared not move to get a better view, I couldn't let her see me. I watched as she stayed still for a moment and then shifted her weight a little to better balance the object she was holding.

Suddenly, I heard her voice and a guitar play at the same time.

"You're life is like a crack in the mirror, seven years of bad luck; it ain't getting better now..."

_What?_ Sam _sang_? And played the _guitar?_

I just stood there, paralyzed with shock, as she sang the entire song. Her voice seemed soft and unsure at first, and then grew more powerful as the song progressed and as she got more into it. The guitar's strums grew louder also. Her voice was beautiful. It was emotional enough to draw tears from a listener but strong enough to really get the message of the song across.

Speaking of that song—I recognized it. I had heard it before…when had I—

And that's when I realized. It was Daughtry. **(A/N: Of course it was…excuse my unhealthy obsession xD)**

"You can go and change your name; to me you'll always be the same… You can try to run and hide; you'll always be the same inside… It's still just you on the inside."

Her singing and the guitar abruptly ended, and I realized in a daze that it was over. _Does Carly know that Sam is so talented?_ I thought. _She doesn't keep this a secret, does she?_

I heard her sigh. Then, after a few long seconds, she began to say something. Her voice was soft, so I barely made out what she said, but I heard it.

"I can pretend it's okay, but…" she trailed off, looking at the graying sky. It was almost winter, it got dark pretty early then. "But nothing's changed. I'm still me. I'm still Sam Puckett."

I quickly but silently backed away and raced down the hall when I saw her start to get up and shift the guitar under her arm.

**Excuse the cliché ending, please…And PLEASE review! One word, a smilie face, ANYTHING! Haha, I'm desperate. Hope you liked! New chapter coming soon, as always.**


	8. Stronger

**Another chapter: "Stronger"! Again, hope you like, and PLEASE review!**

SAM POV

I was worried about how to get past Spencer and Carly without them seeing me with a guitar, but fortunate enough for me, when I cautiously entered the apartment, I heard Carly and Spencer arguing about something in her brother's room. I took advantage of this and raced upstairs, stashing the pick and guitar where I had got them.

I waltzed down the stairs as if nothing out of the ordinary was happening and listened to Carly scold Spencer for not gluing the spatula on before putting hairspray on it.

Huh?

But then, Carly walked into the room with a fire extinguisher in hand and a tired look on her face. "Oh, hey!" She exclaimed when she saw me. "You're back early. It's only been like twenty minutes!"

"Yeah, I wanted to spend some time with you."

Her smile brightened up my mood almost immediately. "Yeah? So what do you want to watch?"

I went over to the pile of movies next to the TV in the living room and shuffled through it. Boring, boring, chick flick, rated R, boring, hmm….

"How 'bout this one?" I asked, holding up RV, an all time favorite of mine. **(A/N: Anyone else know this movie? It still brings me to tears from laughter. xD)** She grinned. "Robin Williams…ah, brilliant!" Carly took the DVD out of its case and waited as it loaded while I stuck a bag of popcorn into the microwave. It felt like a normal sleepover we would have had a few months ago when I saw her get a blanket and a bottle of soda (NOT diet…) from the cabinet. I gave her two cups and waited for the popcorn.

A few minutes later, we had gotten ourselves comfortable on the couch, a bowl of popcorn and two full cups of non-diet soda on the coffee table and the blanket draped over our bodies. Spencer had decided to join us and sat on the chair to the left.

An hour or so later, the three of us were laughing hysterically over Robin Williams holding onto the back of the RV while his feet were attached to the pathetic bike he was riding. His body was suspended between the two as the road whirled by. His expressions were priceless. Even though we all had seen the movie before, it got funnier every time we watched it. Now _that's_ what makes a good movie.

When it ended, we cleaned up the living room and Spencer made us a…suspicious-looking dinner that I ate some of and left to work on his sculpture…whatever it was. Carly and I sat on the couch and decided to just talk, like best friends should. She seemed to be in the mood to have a girly talk, so I let her rant about some cute boy that was in one of her classes.

We went to bed pretty early, ready to face the next day: Friday.

OoOoOoOoOoO

Carly offered me the opportunity to go with her and Spencer after school to _finally_ get her cell phone fixed, but I passed. It was the chance I had been waiting for; to be alone for a while so that I could play my music and sing my heart out.

During school, instead of listening in class like I should have been, I was writing my second song. **(A/N: Her first one was 'Better'.)** It was hard to concentrate at first, but I had remembered how to drown out the voices of my teachers long ago, and I still had this talent. I wanted to write something that would lift my spirits somehow, because I still felt that some part of me was missing.

I had all the lyrics down, now what I was really going to focus on would be the music when I got to the fire escape.

I waited for around ten minutes after the two Shays had left and then got my guitar and pick. After grabbing a jacket and checking the hallway, I snuck over to my place and sat down on the ledge.

It took an hour or so, me struggling to find the right tune for my song. It had to be perfect.

I shifted the guitar's weight in between my legs. "Alright, well, here goes…" I mumbled.

"You feel out of breath, used up and broken down

Just like a shattered glass in pieces on the ground

Some days you want to scream, but you can't make a sound

But you're not alone

Here comes another day, here comes another fight

You'd rather give it up than give it one more try;

'Cause no one understands the way you feel inside

You're not alone…

Right now it feels like the end of the world

All your battles are lost: you've been cheated, mistreated

Just when you think that you can't hold on any longer

Hold on a little bit longer

Trust me, you'll see;

You'll be so much stronger…"

I took a deep breath and began again.

"It's only temporary, but it feels like you're stuck

Like no wishing well could ever change your luck

They say when one door closes, another opens up,

And you walk right through

Yeah, you know what to do…

You might have to bend, but you're not gonna break

Wipe the tears from your eyes and the fear off your face

You know deep down inside you've got what it takes…"

I paused again, took a breather for two seconds, and sang the chorus again.

**(A/N: Deleted some of the lyrics to make it shorter.)**

FREDDIE POV

"_Alright, well, here goes…."_

I felt the song she played and sang physically lift my heart. It was beautiful. I saw her get into it so much that she had to take two breathers in the middle of it. This song must have been really special to her. I had to figure out what it was called—I had never heard it before. I made a mental note of some of the lyrics.

When I had gotten home from school that day, I had really wanted to escape the apartment again to see if Sam was at the fire escape again. Was this a regular thing she did?

But as soon as I threw my backpack on the floor and turned around to go back out the door, my mother attacked me. "FREDDIE! You're home!" I groaned.

"Remember, we were supposed to do that puzzle after you got back yesterday but I _totally_ forgot about it! Come on, Fredward. Let's make these _adorable_ polar bears!" As soon as I caught a glance of the picture on the top of the box, I groaned again. The pieces were mostly white.

It seemed to take forever, but since I was in a rush to get out of there, I was on fire! Even my mother commented at one point: "Oh, Freddie! You're logic skills are coming in nicely! I knew these puzzles were helping the analytical side of your brain!"

I know, right?

Needless to say, I sprinted out of there as soon as I shoved the baby polar bear's left eye, the last piece, onto the puzzle.

I quietly crept closer; I heard someone playing with a few chords and retrying different notes. But that lasted only a minute. And then I heard her say those words and start to play…

I did feel a little guilty for spying on her, so as she strummed random notes on her guitar after finishing that one song, just staring at the sky, I snuck away, eager to get on my computer to search Google for the lyrics.

So I was _beyond _frustrated when, after searching for at _least _forty-five minutes, I found squat. Nada. No song that Google offered me had the exact lyrics that I remembered. It took me a while to get it, but finally I wondered, _Wait a second…did she—no…_

Did Sam Puckett actually _write _a song? **(A/N: Like I said before…just pretend Jennette's song is Sam's for this…and I claim NO rights to the song!)**

CARLY POV

When Monday rolled around, I finally decided to invite Freddie over to hang out for maybe an hour while Sam went on one of her one-hour walks. He replied with, "Nah. I have to go to a nerdy store to get some nerdy stuff."

I just chuckled and said, "Well, okay then. Bye!" and went back into my apartment as he closed his door. I went upstairs to my room and connected my iPod to the speaker thingy and found the remote. After clicking on a playlist and pausing it, I patiently waited for Sam to come back and when she did, somewhat earlier than usual, I pressed the play button. Taio Cruz's "Higher" started to play. **(A/N: The version withOUT Kylie, btw.)** Sam laughed and asked, "What's going on…?"

I danced over to her and took both of her hands in mine. "C'mon, Sam! Dance!" I then proceeded to giggle like a six year-old.

She looked at me strangely as I made her arms flail about, and at first she just stood there, awkwardly laughing at me. "Sam, c'mon!" I urged.

She laughed, and the sound of it warmed my heart. She started to jump with me…and that was about it. Well, it was a start. Then, I started to sing along, already out of breath.

I was singing for the entire second verse, and when the chorus started up again, I was about to urge her to sing along too, when her mouth opened and her voice collided with mine. I was so happy.

And that's when I realized that hey, Sam was pretty good! We were both out of breath and sweating a little, but one of my favorite Selena Gomez songs, "Off the Chain," came next and I started to dance _again. _**(A/N: Haha, I know…Selena Gomez. But it's an upbeat song, and that's the point of this scene, so just bear with me if you don't like her ;P)**However, I did my best to conserve enough energy to sing the chorus, which had some high notes in it. I was surprised at how pure Sam's voice sounded and how easily she seemed to reach the high notes. She was smiling and her eyes were shining throughout the whole song, which was all that mattered.

After that song ended, I pressed pause and collapsed on the couch and so did she. "Okay—let's take a…break," I managed. Sam laughed and rested her head on my shoulder. Once we both got our breathing under control a little more, she said, "Hey, thanks. I think I needed that, Carls."

I hugged her now thin figure. "No prob."

**I do not own iCarly or the characters….yada, yada, yada. Sooo, a little short, but whadya think?**


	9. The CD

**Okay, this next chapter is called "The CD". Disclaimer: I do NOT own iCarly, but I sure wished I worked for Dan Schneider! He's such an amazing guy, what a hoot…xD Watch his videos DanWarp. And if you haven't already, participate in my poll! It takes all of five seconds! :D**

SAM POV

School seemed EXTRA boring on Tuesday. There was a lecture during every single class, even my health class! I didn't even pay attention to them though, so I basically just stared off into space for a good seven and a half hours.

Typical Sam.

When Spencer drove Carly and me home after a stop at the Groovy Smoothie, I went straight upstairs like I usually do to put my backpack away after Carly told me that she'd be doing homework downstairs for a while. As soon as I threw my backpack on the couch, I wheeled around to go on one of my "walks" (I had hid my guitar and pick on the fire escape so Carly and Spencer wouldn't see them) when a case on the coffee table caught my eye. Why did it catch my eye?

SAM was written on it in blue sharpie.

And it was a CD case.

Carly gave me a CD? When? Did she know how much I loved music just from yesterday? Aw, man! I _knew _I shouldn't have sung along!

I hesitantly turned on Carly's laptop and put in the CD. A window came up. There were ten songs on the CD. They were listed as Track 01, Track 02, and so on, so I couldn't tell ahead of time what the songs were. I pressed play as I sat in the chair.

The very first four notes from a piano struck me to my very core. I immediately flashed back to when I had first found out about my mother's death. The song progressed, and I felt tears coming to my eyes. Since when could piano music affect me this much?

I relived my hysterical journey to Carly's apartment on that fateful day. I saw images of Carly, her worry-stricken face trying to comfort me, trying to stop my tears. I felt Spencer's arms around me again. And I saw Freddie, his face lined with concern and hurt. And I saw myself reject his attempts to comfort me, having his face fall more each time a tear slipped down my face.

When the song ended after another minute, I pressed the pause button and just sobbed. How would I be able to take nine more songs? But somehow, I knew that I needed this. I pressed play, wiping away my tears.

Another song started, but this time it wasn't just a piano piece. It was a song with an actual person singing.

_Didn't want to say goodbye, didn't want to see you cry_

_**Look what I've done**_

_**Didn't want to make a mess, Broke your heart and I confess**_

_**I'm the guilty one.**_

_Every single tear you shed, __**it kills me**_

_This is life without you, __**learning how to miss you**_

_**I guess I need to know how it feels like**_

_Everything I've known is said: is goodbye_

_So goodbye…_

I listened to the rest of the song, a strange feeling of longing taking control over my heart. This and the first song are some of the most touching music I have ever heard. I was definitely going to Google the lyrics of all the songs on the CD once I was done listening. I _had_ to figure out what these songs were called.

The third song began. I recognized it from a movie. **(A/N: Anyone know which one?)**

_I've been waiting for too long, staring at the sun_

_Waiting for the night to come, so I can get things done_

_**I can't wait for this no more, my eyes have come undone**_

The rest of the song was very calming. It was beautiful, yet again.

The fourth song began.

There weren't any words to this song, just a piano and a violin. It began softly and slowly, and then it picked up and turned out to be as moving as the first piano piece. The violin brought me to tears. As the song picked up its pace, I was closer and closer to breaking down. Suddenly, I recalled that feeling of desperation. That feeling of having nowhere to turn to. That's how I felt when I pushed Freddie away and when Carly wasn't there for me.

I pressed the pause button again after the song had ended and took deep, shaky breaths. _Only six more songs, Sam. C'mon_, I encouraged myself.

I immediately recognized the next song, but I hadn't listened to it in a _while_, so I sat back and let Greg Laswell's voice take over my eardrums.

_This one's for the lonely, the ones that seek and find_

_Only to be let down, time after time_

_The one's for the torn down, the experts at the fall_

_Come on friend, get up now: __**You're not alone at all**__._

_And __**this part was for her**_

_**Does she remember?**_

Greg Laswell used to be one of my favorite artists before I got an obsession with Daughtry. I felt bad for completely forgetting about his music. Now, I realized why I had loved him so much. I had a smile plastered on my face for the entire song. I felt as if someone was trying to tell me…_keep on going, Sam. You'll make it; you have more people on your side than you think._

The sixth song started, and I was taken aback. It was We Shot the Moon's "On Your Way"! The upbeat tone of the song made me want to dance in my seat. But I just listened.

_**And I was so alone; then I saw you**_

_I'm still unsure how you've done this, but_

_you're on your way into my heart_

_It's like you knew that __**we'd have everything we'd need to see this through**_

"And these are the days that we'll remember…" I sang softly along with the song.

When it ended, the seventh song played.

I didn't recognize it, but the next six minutes moved me so much.

_I'm here again, a thousand miles away from you_

_A broken mess, just scattered pieces of who I am_

_**I've lost so much**__ along the way_

_Then I see your face; I know I'm finally yours_

_I find everything I thought I lost before_

_**You call my name; I come to you in pieces**_

_**So you can make **__**me **__**whole…**_

Okay, that _definitely_ was one of my new favorite songs.

The seventh song began, and I recognized the voice of One Republic.

_**For those days we felt like a mistake**_

_Those times, __**when love's what you hate**_

_But __**somehow, we'll keep moving on**_

_**There's so many wars we fought, there's so many things we're not**_

_**But with what we have, I promise you that**_

_**We're marching on**_

_Don't care where we've been; __**I'd sink us to swim**_

_**We'll have the days we break; and we'll have the scars to prove it**_

_And __**we'll have the heart not to lose it**__…_

Those lyrics of the song really stuck out to me, and call me completely insane, but it reminded me of Freddie. Yeah, I know. But there were so many things we weren't and so many "wars" that we had fought every day, but somehow our friendship had strengthened. Until recently, of course.

I was surprised to recognize The Undeserving's "There For You" as the second-to-last song.

_**I'll be there for you through your deepest fears**_

_I'll be there for you when you see no end_

_**I'll be waiting for you **__with nothing left to say but…_

_Life won't go your way, and you never know what to say_

_But when you have nothing left, __**I'll still love you…**_

_**More.**_

Wow. Carly must really want me to know that she'll always be there for me, no matter _what._

The last song was a pretty old one, but still remained one of my favorites. Coldplay's "Fix You." **(A/N: Okay, the music video for this gives me chills every time, especially towards the end, so PLEASE check it out!)**

I never knew that this song could make me cry the way I did, but I sobbed my heart out throughout the last two and a half minutes of the song. This CD was phenomenal; I could never thank its creator enough.

_When you try your best but you don't succeed_

_**When you get what you want but not what you need**_

_And the tears come streaming down your face_

_**When you lose something you can't replace**_

_**When you love someone but it goes to waste**_

_**Could it be worse?**_

_**I promise you I will learn from my mistakes**_

_**And I will try to fix you…**_

I sat in silence for a minute, just staring at the computer screen that was asking me if I wanted to replay the CD. I exited out of the window, ejected the CD, and put it back in its case. Then, I went into the bathroom and did my best to make myself look like I hadn't been crying for the past hour. I approached Carly downstairs, who had just slammed her textbook shut and was gathering all her school stuff together, apparently already done with her homework. I _had_ to thank her for making that CD! "Hey, Sam! You didn't go for a walk?"

"Nah, not today," I replied. "Oh, and um…Thanks for the CD, by the way."

She looked at me, confused. "Huh? What CD?"

"Wait, you didn't give me this?" I held up the CD case.

"No…" Just then, Spencer entered the room. "Uh, Spence?" She asked.

Spencer's eyes widened, and he suddenly screamed, "I DIDN'T DO IT!"

"No, no, you're not in trouble," Carly said, rolling her eyes. "Wait, what did you do…?" She said after a moment.

"Uh, did you go through my stuff by any chance?"

"Uh, no…" we both responded.

"Oh."

We all just stood there, stupidly staring at each other for a moment, until Carly shook her head and addressed the main topic again. "What I was _going_ to ask you was did you give Sam that CD?"

He took one glance at it and stared at Carly. "Um, noooo…" He then ruffled her hair and said, "Silly Carlayyy…" and sprinted back into his room, probably to cover up whatever he was hiding from us.

Ah, Spencer.

"Where did you find it?" Carly asked me.

"It was on the coffee table up in your room." A thought suddenly hit me. "Wait, if you didn't put it there and neither did Spencer, who was in your apartment between this morning and an hour ago?"

"Well, Spencer always leaves the door unlocked even if he's not home…"

"That's-this is weird…"

"Yeah…" she responded slowly.

_Who gave me that CD?_

OoOoOoOoOoO

As November changed to December, I made sure I listened to the CD every day, over and over again. After days of Google and YouTube research, I had written a complete list of the names of the songs.

1. Breathing Space - X-Ray Dog

2. Life Without You - Stanfour

3. Setting Sun - Eskimo Joe

4. 3055 - Ólafur Arnalds

5. Comes and Goes - Greg Laswell

6. On Your Way - We Shot the Moon

7. Pieces - Red

8. Marching On - One Republic

9. There For You - The Undeserving

10. Fix You - Coldplay

I had found Carly's portable CD player and took it with me wherever I went. During lunch period at school, I just went into a bathroom stall and pressed play. I couldn't get enough of it. I even took Carly's old radio that also played CDs and put it on the fire escape so I could let the sound surround me as I lied on the ground.

I always took my coat with me; it was the dead of winter for crying out loud! But somehow, the cool weather cleared my mind.

School had just ended for winter break. It was Friday, December 17th, 4:45 PM. I was outside on the fire escape, lying on the floor, closing my eyes and listening to the last song on the CD. It was like any other normal afternoon.

When the song ended, like usual, I let myself soak it all in, just laying on the ground for long, silent seconds. Then, a soft knock on the open window startled me. My eyes snapped open and I sat up, cracking my back in the process.

I turned around.

**Okay, I apologize if you completely hate me for completely ATTACKING you with song lyrics, but they're important. I spent HOURS trying to cut the songs down, picking out the most important lyrics. The rest of the story will NOT be like this…the worst is over ;) So pleeeease review! How did I do? And WHO do you think is at the fire escape in the end? It IS kind of a no brainer…ahh, cliffy! xD**


	10. Torn

**As I was editing this, I was listening to "Illuminated" by Hurts….BEAST! Haha, you know the drill, I don't own iCarly….and yeah. Here's "Torn"! Hope you like, and please review!**

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FREDDIE POV

Today was the day. _C'mon, Freddie! Just tap the glass!_

So I did.

She seemed to start. She whirled around, and when her eyes clashed with mine, whatever apology I had been practicing for the past few weeks was erased from my mind. _Well, I hope I can improvise…_

"Hey," I said softly. And lamely, now that I think about it.

She didn't say a word, still staring at me. I took a deep breath and said, "Can we…talk?"

I waited a long time for a response, any kind of response. I didn't just want to barge in there and force her to do something she didn't want to do.

So they were long, tortuous seconds for me. Then, I saw Sam slightly nod. I let out a breath I had been holding. The air was dead silent; even the Seattle traffic seemed to pause for a moment.

I sat on the ledge, making sure to keep my distance. She got up off of the floor and sat on the ledge six feet away from me, the one separating the fire escape from the hundreds-of-feet drop to the street below. My breath hitched, and I made sure to be prepared if for some reason she decided to…well…

You know…

Jump.

I was at a loss for words. I couldn't ask her "How've you been?" I mean, come on, how stupid is _that?_ I couldn't say "What are you listening to?" She would automatically think I was spying on her or something. Which, well...I kinda had…

I looked at my lap, obviously struggling with my words, when I heard a sharp intake of breath and "It—it was _you_, wasn't it?"

My head snapped up. She still hadn't figured that out?

"Yeah…" I trailed off.

She seemed to be thinking something over…realization dawning on her face.

"Did you…like it?" I ventured.

She looked at me. Her face looked a little fuller than when I had seen it at school that one day. Carly was right. She _had_ been eating.

"Yeah…"

I swallowed hard. This conversation wasn't getting anywhere! "Sam—" I began. "I'm so sorry…If I had any _idea_ I would have never said what I said…I know that doesn't justify what I did and I'm sorry and I just _lost_ it…I know you can never forgive me…but I—I just wanted you to know…I'm—sorry…"

Wow, how lame was _that?_

I quickly added, "You must be going through so much right now, and I know I made it _that _much worse. It kills me to see you in so much pain, and…I—I'm sorry…"

And once again, Freddie Benson has proved himself a blubbering _idiot._

She looked away and didn't say anything for a while. My heart sank. It was too late. I couldn't do anything to save our friendship. I got up slowly to leave. I had one leg in the fire escape and one leg out when I heard, "It was the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me."

I turned around on one leg and she motioned to the CD player.

"Oh…Thanks. I'm—uh—glad you enjoyed it." I waited, to see if she'd say anything else. She did.

"Are those songs…all…true?"

I wanted to tell her about that one Monday night I had spent, going through all of the songs on my Pear Pod, searching for the right ones that would apologize to Sam more than any of my words ever could. I had struggled between multiple songs, trying to decide which ones would affect Sam the most. I had declined a visit with Carly just to go to the tech store and get an unburned CD. I had refused to get any of my homework done until I had finished that CD for her. The next day, I had sprinted home from school to put it in the Shay's apartment while Spencer took them to the Groovy Smoothies. No one knew…until now. I was surprised it had taken Sam so long to figure out. Was this a good thing or a bad thing?

Instead, I just replied, "Every one of them."

She was silent. When I was about to leave again, she stopped me with, "Then I don't really think you need to say any apology."

My eyes widened, and I turned to look at her, planting both feet inside the fire escape. Did this mean…

She wasn't frowning, but she wasn't smiling either. "_Thank you, _Freddie."

"But I'm-"

"I know." She looked at my shocked expression. "I forgive you, nub."

My smile threatened to explode off of my face. She took one look at my face and chuckled. "Yeah, I know," she added.

I wanted to hug her so bad, to tell her I would never do anything to hurt our friendship ever again. There was so much I needed her to know. But I kept my distance, remembering that look of fear she gave me way back when in the hallway.

"Will we ever be the way we were?" I asked suddenly.

She considered the thought for a moment. "We'll get there. You're on your way," she said, grinning. It took me a second to realize she had quoted one of the songs on the CD.

I couldn't have been happier.

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SAM POV

"And I don't think you're scummy or have a disgusting personality and you're not a coward and-"

Freddie and I were walking from the fire escape to Carly's apartment and he was still ranting about how much he regretted what he had said.

"Dude!" I interrupted him. "It's fine, okay?"

He took a breath and nodded. "I just wanted you to know-"

"Trust me, I know, Fredward." I chuckled, and he smiled at me. When I looked at him, I had to smile too. I had my friend back. I decided to try and break the ice a little more by acting like the old Sam.

"So you missed me, huh?" I teased and nudged him with my elbow.

Freddie laughed and said, "_There_ she is!" referring to my old personality. I opened the door to Carly's apartment as we laughed. I had never felt so happy.

Carly took one look at us and screamed her delight. "NO WAY! SPENCER, COME HERE!" She crushed both of us in a bear hug. Spencer raced into the room wielding a broom, but dropped it once he saw the three of us. "I SEE HUGGING!" he yelled, making me recall the time Carly and I had made up after an early fight we had.

Then all four of us were hugging-I felt like I was at some cheesy high school reunion, but I didn't care.

When we broke apart, Carly caught sight of the broom on the floor. "Uh-what up with the broom?"

Spencer looked embarrassed. "I-uh-thought something happened…"

We laughed. Just like old times.

OoOoOoOoO

Spencer made all three of us spaghetti tacos for dinner and when we were done, Spencer went to work on a sculpture as usual while Carly said something about getting some homework done upstairs. I knew her better-she wanted Freddie and me to have some more alone time together. I couldn't blame her.

The two of us were on the couch, a safe distance apart. We were silent for a few seconds, and then he spoke up. Even though it was only an awkward "So…"

I looked around, assuming Carly and/or Spencer wasn't listening in on our conversation. "Can I tell you something?" His eyes lit up and he nodded quickly.

I took a breath. "You know what the last thing I said to my mom was?"

"Sam, you don't have to-"

"I told her I hated her."

He looked away. "You mean that phone conversation?"

I nodded.

"Well, you didn't really finish your sentence, right?"

I shot him a look. "Freddie, _anyone_ could have understood what I was about to say. And she died thinking I hated her. But the thing with _that_ is I don't think she really cared if I hated her. She never considered me…her daughter."

He didn't tell me I was wrong, like Carly did. He just listened.

"The guy who…did those things to her…his trial is in February. Can you…come?" I changed the subject, not wanting to open up more than I needed to. Freddie nodded.

"What took you so long to talk to me?" I suddenly asked.

He looked uncomfortable. "Um…Carly and I thought it would be better for you if I stayed out of your life." _What? _I thought. I didn't continue _that_ topic any further.

"I'm sorry you couldn't come to my mother's funeral and burial. I just-didn't want people to know…"

"It's fine. I understand."

Another awkward silence prevailed. "And…I'm sorry for always making fun of you and torturing you and…stuff." Wow, that sure sounded lame.

"But then you wouldn't be Sam," he replied, grinning at me.

I smiled and looked down. "Still."

Freddie decided to change the subject, to my relief. "So, what's your favorite song from the CD?"

I still was having trouble believing he made it for me. How could he have known that those specific songs would move me so much?

"There's no way I can pick a favorite."

He was silent for a moment, and then said, "Those last few songs. They're true. I know this sounds cliché and stuff, but…I'll be there."

"Thanks, Freddie." I didn't know what else to say. This was getting really awkward, and I shocked myself by calling him by his real name _again_.

I stood up. "Well, enough emotional revelations for today. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Oh, um, yeah. Is iCarly back on?"

Hmm. That was unexpected.

"CARLY!" I shouted, making Freddie wince. I heard thumps and a "DON'T HURT HIM! I'M COMING!"

I chuckled and so did Freddie. Even _now_ she thought I'd hurt the kid.

She appeared in the living room, breathless, with her spray bottle of water. "What happened?"

"Uh-nothing, Freddie just wanted to know if the show was back on."

"Oh!" She put the spray on the counter. "If you want it to be."

I shrugged. "Yay!" Carly shrieked, and Freddie walked over to the Shay's computer. "I'll let the fans know!"

Life was somewhat approaching normal.

Except there was something about Freddie. I felt something different. I felt it somewhat towards Spencer too recently, but not as much. I couldn't wrap my finger around it.

Except the next day, I finally knew. And it scared me. _Badly._

"Hola!" Freddie called as he strolled into the apartment. "Ready to discuss iCarly ideas?"

Carly was sitting at the far end of the couch with me next to her in the middle, watching Girly Cow. "Yup!" we replied. Freddie plopped down next to me on the couch, and that's when it happened. His shoulder roughly bumped into mine. He opened his mouth to apologize, but before he could, I gasped and shot up. A tense shock coursed through my veins and I was shaking with adrenalin. My shoulder didn't hurt that much, but it was so sudden and so…violent…that it shook me to my very core.

"Sam?" I heard Carly's voice vaguely. "Uh-bathroom…" I managed…sprinting away. I slammed the door and took a shaky breath. My heart was still pounding out of my chest and even the tips of my fingers seemed to have lightning bolts of energy. I tried calming myself down, but it definitely took a few minutes. What was going _on?_

I had never felt this before-why was it making me feel so uncomfortable?

I thought about my reaction. The fried nerves, the rush of adrenaline, the "survival mode" my body had seized.

No way.

_Was I afraid of Freddie? _

No, NO! Sam Puckett is _not_ afraid of _anything! _And especially _Freddie, _for crying out loud! Wait, did this mean I was afraid of Spencer _too?_

What was going _on? _What was _happening_ to me?

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FREDDIE POV

"Are we still exploding that honeydew?" Sam blurted as she entered the room, interrupting my worried conversation with Carly. Why did she just run away like that?

I looked at Carly, who shrugged. "Yeah, sure." Instead of coming back to her original place on the couch between us, she sat near Carly in an armchair. I felt confused and hurt.

Sam spoke up again. "Are we just doing the stuff we planned for the cancelled webcast a while ago?"

"Oh." Carly looked surprised. "Yeah, sure. I totally forgot about that. Okay…guess we're done!" She laughed forcefully. "That was quick!"

"Yeah…" I replied. Spencer was in the kitchen and walked over. Putting a hand on Sam's shoulder, he started to say to us, "So what are-"

But before he could finish, Sam let out a little scream and bolted from her position on the armchair. All three of us stared at her wide-eyed. Realizing she had just sprinted across the room, Sam became flustered and her mouth opened and closed repeatedly, shocked at her own reaction. She stumbled over her words. "Uh, sorry-you uh, just scared me." We were still just staring at her in shock, so she mumbled, "I'm gonna go for a walk…" and hightailed it out the door.

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**So…thanks for reading! And I just posted another one-shot for Sam&Freddie. It's called "Colours" and I experimented with a writing style that was TOTALLY different for me, but I think it turned out okay. So if you could take a couple minutes and read&review that too, it'd be much appreciated! Let me know if that style is completely STUPID xD or if I should do something like that again.**


	11. Departure

**This is called "Departure". R&R! And don't forget to check out "Colours", my new Sam&Freddie one-shot!**

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SAM POV

I couldn't go to the fire escape; Freddie would probably find me there. Being out in the city alone crept me out, even in broad daylight; so I couldn't leave the apartment complex. But since I really had nowhere else to go, I let the elevator take me to the lobby. My hands were still shaking.

I was torn up inside. Spencer was like my brother. I could trust him. Why was I acting this way?

I tried ignoring Lewbert's shrieks but for some reason they set me on edge too. I walked outside, the freezing December air making my teeth chatter. Great. I didn't have a jacket on. _Smooth move, Puckett_.

I actually wanted to go for a walk for once, so I did, trying to ignore my sudden urges to turn around to make sure that no one was following me. I let my hands clench and unclench. My thin jeans weren't doing squat to keep me warm. After a while, I found myself in front of the Groovy Smoothies. Eager for some heat, I sauntered in and approached the counter. "Yo T-Bo!" I shouted. "One blueberry blitz!"

He yelled back, although we were in fact a few feet away from each other, "Sure thing!" My nerves were set on the edge by his loud voice, too.

I waited for a minute and rummaged around in my jeans pocket for a five-dollar bill. Uh-oh.

"Uh…" I began intelligently. T-Bo gave me that "oh no you didn't" look.

"Uh-T-Bo, I uh-"

"Here," a hand reached from behind me, slapping three one-dollar bills on the counter. "Keep the change."

"Hey, thanks-" I started as I turned around, but halted when I came face-to-face with no one other than Pete.

I love my life. (okay, that was _deep_ sarcasm, if you hadn't picked that up)

"Pete! Uh, hey, thanks."

He smiled. I no longer felt that tug at my heart I had felt a few years ago.

"No prob. How've you been?" He asked me as we sat down at a table. "Haven't talked to you in a _while._ And the show was cancelled. Why?"

"I've been…me. The show begins again on Wednesday; so tell everyone." **(A/N: I have no idea when they do the webshow, just a guess…)**

"Cool! But why was it cancelled in the first place?"

That one question I had tried to avoid…

"Uh-personal reasons." I could tell he wanted more. _Well, I guess it's time to tell people, Sam. You can't hide it forever. _I took a good look at him. We had once dated. He had loved me. He had treated me well. I could confide in him, right? But why was I feeling fear?

Just then, a long and wavy-haired brunette sauntered up to him and smacked one right on his lips. "Hey Petey, who's this?" I froze.

"Oh-uh.." Pete cleared his throat. "This is Sam, an old-friend." I was taken aback. Was he ashamed of me? I was just any old friend to him?

"Sam, this is Marley, my girlfriend. She doesn't go to Ridgeway."

That was the last straw. "Hi. I have to go." As I rushed out of the shop, Pete called after me, "Wait, you forgot your smoothie!"

For once, I didn't even care.

OoOoOoOoOoO

She looked _so_ much like Carly. Had the brown eyes, the dark hair, the same wide smile. Had almost the same _name_ for crying out loud!

Even though Pete hadn't technically used me to get to Carly like so many other guys had, I was still stunned. I was never good enough for anybody. I would always be second-best to perfect little Carly. Perfect looks, perfect personality, perfect grades, perfect body, and perfect attitude. I had none of that. I was nowhere _near _perfection.

I knew it was wrong to blame Carly for just being, well, _her_. But I felt like a squashed mosquito on her wall of fame. No one noticed me. I had no idea where I was walking, but it was better than watching Pete and whatserface make lovey dovey kissy faces at each other.

And to what place had my stupid little feet dragged me to this time?

Gibby's house.

Of _**all **_places. Gibby's house.

Yeah. I was totally screwed up.

But I knocked on the stupid door anyway, memories of doing the exact same thing on the night of the dance. That night I had seen Carly and Freddie slow dancing at the Groovy Smoothies.

I shuddered and shivered at the same time.

The door opened to a surprisingly non-shirtless Gibby. "Uh-Sam? He looked around nervously. "Should I be prepared to run for my life?"

Ah, Gibby.

I snorted. "Nah, you're good for today. I don't even know why I'm here, actually..." He raised his eyebrows, eyeing my not-so-warm clothing. "You…wanna come inside? It's freezing out there." He asked.

Wow, how much _weirder _could this get?

"Um, I guess…"

I went inside as he held the door open wider for me. "Nice crib, Gibster," I commented as I looked around.

"Thanks?" More of a question than a reply. I laughed. "It was a compliment."

He laughed awkwardly too. "Is everything okay?" Yeah, I was acting pretty un-Samish, wasn't I.

"Well…" We had made it to his room. It was very…strange…to be in Gibby's room. It was filled with random knickknacks and various shirts were scattered about the floor. "Sorry about the mess," he interrupted. "So, what's bugging you?"

"The reason I've been acting so…not me…is because-well, my mom was raped and murdered." His eyes widened. "I'm so sorry, Sam. When?"

"October."

"Wow."

"Yeah."

"So where are you staying?"

"The Shay's."

"Ah. And that's why the show's been cancelled."

"Yeah, but it's back on."

"Oh, cool."

We suddenly ran out of things to talk about until I cleared my throat. "Gibby, what do _you_ do to cope with loss?"

After looking at me strangely because the question came out of nowhere, he thought for a minute. "I remind myself of everything I _do_ have. Try it."

"Uh…" I was wallowing in self-pity. What _did _I have left?

"Carly, Spencer…" he started for me.

"Oh, yeah, and um, I'm living somewhere…and I have food and Carly and Spencer love me," I added.

"Uh huh…"

"And Freddie and I are friends again…" Gibby looked surprised, then nodded. Probably everyone at school knew about our falling out. Word spreads _fast_ at Ridgeway, but no one knew we had made up.

"And…my mother's killer is going to be put behind bars, hopefully. The trial's in February."

"Okay," he said. "Is that it?"

"I think so…" He spread out his arms wide, and blurted, "Eh!"

I chuckled. "And you too, Gib."

"No thang but a chicken wang." I smiled and rolled my eyes; Gibby was still Gibby.

"I better get going. Thanks." I stood and he walked me to the door. "Yup! Have a good break!"

"You too. See ya, Gibs."

"Bye." The door shut.

Well, hasn't _this_ been a very interesting day.

* * *

CARLY POV

I was _so _relieved when Sam came back around dinnertime. Her cheeks were a deep red from the cold. I brought her the hot chocolate I had made for her. She nodded her thanks.

"Where have you been all this time, Sam?"

"Eh, Groovy Smoothies and Gibby's house."

"Oh, okay-wait, wait. _Gibby's house?"_

"Yup."

"Uh, why?"

She shrugged. "Dunno. My feet just decided to take me there."

My eyebrows raised. "Did you hurt him?"

"_No!_ We just…talked."

Wow. My hopes of having the old Sam back were dashed once again.

"Okay…"

* * *

FREDDIE POV

"_And then she was like 'Gibby's house' and she said they talked-how weird is that?"_

I was puzzled too. "Very. What's Sam doing now?"

"_She went for another walk a few minutes ago. I just let her. Who am I to stop her, you know?"_

"Yeah. I'm gonna go Carly. See you tomorrow?"

"_Yup."_

After we hung up, I journeyed to the fire escape. I saw Sam lying on the floor, eyes closed, listening to "Cry" by Alex Parks. Somehow Carly's Pear Pod player was at the fire escape too, blaring the music from Sam's Pear Pod through the small speakers. I was pretty sure Carly wasn't going to be able to listen to music after all this was over; Sam was stealing all her stuff.

"_I'd cry…I would die if I lost you…" _Alex was singing.

"Hey."

She seemed to start again and got up. "Hey." She pressed the pause button.

"What are you doing?"

"Nothing."

I walked over to her Pear Pod and looked through her songs. "You know what's a really good song?"

"What?"

I found what I was looking for and pressed play. The Morning Of's "Reverie" began. Sam suddenly had this far-off look on her face. "Oh, yeah…" she said after a moment. "I remember this song…" and then started to hum it.

After a while, I couldn't help but sing along. Softly and lowly at first, but I picked the sound up when I saw Sam's lips match mine. We started to sing. Together.

"Lord, get me out of this city tonight, 'cause you are what made me feel alive. Here I am again, running away from the truth; just know that you moved me like I've never been moved…They say the wind is everyone you've ever loved, grazing their lips upon your cheek, spending forever in reverie…"

When it was over, she looked embarrassed but tried to hide it with a grin. "Yeah, it's a great song."

I replied with a "You sing pretty good, Puckett."

She smiled.

* * *

**I had to make this shorter than normal because the next chapter has to deal with one major topic, and I couldn't group it all into one chapter…so expect the next one soon! (A/N: And "departure" normally means 'leaving' but in this case it means 'deviation from normal'.)**


	12. The Trial

"**The Trial." I've recently become very interested in Law since I'm taking a class in that in high school…so I get to share my love of it in this story! DISCLAIMER: I do NOT own iCarly or Nickelodeon and all that jazz. R&R!**

* * *

FREDDIE POV

December became January. A new year. A new beginning for Sam and me.

We were rebuilding our broken relationship, piece by piece. It snowed, and I noticed that Sam _loves_ the snow. I watched her every day as she gazed in wonder at the falling flakes or held a mound of snow in her palm, just looking at it. **(A/N: Anyone understand the symbolism?)**

January molded into February. I noticed an edgier side in Sam as February 15th drew closer and closer. It was the day of the trial.

Spencer, followed by me, then Carly, then Sam, filed into the courtroom at a little before nine in the morning. I sat on the end next to Sam who had Carly on her left side. Spencer sat to the left of Carly. Sam started to get really nervous, so Carly put her arm around Sam's shoulders. The courtroom filled up as the minutes dragged by.

When they brought Hector into the room, I half-expected Sam to leap out of her seat and shout death threats at him or try to attack him, even though we _were_ in court. But to my shock, when "Rex", as Hector later made his preferred name established, made eye contact with Sam, she started shaking uncontrollably and her eyes were full of terror. Rex smiled maliciously at her, and that evil look on his face totally sent her over the edge. Sam Puckett had _tears_ streaming down her face. When I started to put an arm around her to try and comfort her, she shrunk away into Carly's arms and buried her face in Carly's shirt.

That's when it fully hit me-Sam _was_ afraid of me.

After a few minutes, the jury entered and so did the judge. "We're here today to decide the sentence of a Mr. Hector Garcia. He is faced with one charge of acquaintance rape and one charge of murder to the first degree…" the rest of her words seemed to fade from my attention as I looked at Sam. She was _beyond_ nervous.

I tried to pay attention to the next ten minutes or so of the trial but all I could think about was the fact that Sam and I would never be the same if she was _scared _of me, for crying out loud.

I noticed that Sam wouldn't let Spencer touch her either. Maybe I wasn't the only one.

What _really _snapped me back to reality and made Sam, Spencer, and Carly all gasp was an absurd argument of the defense attorney. "Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, my client, Mr. Garcia, was _framed_ for these charges. Due to the discriminatory and racist attitude of the Seattle police force, false evidence was _planted_ at the scene. He was labeled due to his Hispanic background and intentionally arrested by the completely _Caucasian_ team that was called to investigate the murder and rape of a certain Pam Puckett." **(A/N: I'm not a lawyer, so my writing here may be a little informal or just plain bad for a professional…xD)**

_WHAT? _I wanted to scream. _Were they trying to pull another OJ Simpson or something?_ After recovering a little from the worst of my shock, I glanced at Sam, Carly, and Spencer. Their mouths hung open in horror. It was all black and white to all four of us before this moment. Rex's DNA was found on the body. He was arrested. He would get life in prison after the trial. There. Done.

Now…I shuddered at the thought of that man being released. He would come after Sam, I was sure of it. If the defense could fake evidence and persuade the jury in _any _way, then victory would go to him. I was lost in my frantic thoughts…and I found it hard to focus on what was being said. This couldn't be happening. Not to Sam. This is _too much_.

If OJ got away with it, so could Rex.

A couple hours later the jury was sent to deliberate Rex's guilt or innocence, and the people of the courtroom filed out. Spencer would receive a call when the jury was done. We made the long trip back to the apartment in complete silence, me sitting next to Spencer in the front, sneaking glances at Sam, who was still wrapped in Carly's arms in the backseat. Her eyes still shimmered with the terrifying thought that her mother's killer would be released.

Sam sat on the couch when Carly went to the bathroom and Spencer went to make Sam some soup in the kitchen. We were out of his earshot, so I began talking softly to Sam. She needed someone to protect her now, and Carly couldn't do much…and she was the only one Sam trusted. I needed that to change before Rex was released and Sam became paranoid about _everything._ I would never get her back if that happened.

"Sam, why are you afraid of me?" I blurted, basically just ripping the band-aid off instead of carefully addressing the topic like I should have. _Nice, you idiot,_ I inwardly winced.

She looked up at me, startled, a flash of fear appearing in her eyes. "It's…hard to explain."

Hmm. So she admitted she was. And I thought I knew why.

"Do you think that what happened to your mother will happen to you?"

She glanced at me in surprise, most likely shocked that I got it on my first try. She didn't need to say yes. I sat on the couch opposite of her, careful not to touch her. "Sam," I began slowly. "I would never, _ever _hurt you. _Never. _We're best friends, and I wouldn't _dream _of doing something as horrible as that. Do you trust me?"

Sam looked at me for a long time, calculating her options, and I was afraid of her answer. Who knows how much her mother's passing had traumatized her? But then she smiled, just a little, but it brightened the entire room. "Yeah. Thanks." Her eyes immediately became fixed on the floor again.

Relief flooded through my body. "And you can trust Spencer, too, you know."

She sat still for a moment. "Yeah." She suddenly got up and walked into the kitchen, giving Spencer a huge hug.

"Hey, kiddo," Spencer said, a little surprised. "Your soup's almost done."

"Thanks Spencer. For everything," she whispered. Spencer wrapped his arms around her tighter. I joined them in the kitchen and saw Sam's soup almost boiling over the pot. "Uh, Spence?" I motioned to the stove when he looked at me. "NO!" he shrieked. Sam chuckled and reassured Spencer it was fine. As she ate, Spencer went to check on the sculpture in his room. I sat with her at the table and Carly joined us.

"Good soup?" I asked lamely after a moment of silence which was interrupted by her soup-slurping.

She and Carly laughed at the stupidity of my question. "Sure."

So Carly and I decided to eat fatcakes as Sam had her soup. The three of us sat there, trying to make conversation, but all of us had the unknown results of the trial dominating our minds, driving us more insane with each passing second.

"SAM! GUYS!" Spencer suddenly ran into the room, interrupting our half-hearted debate on what was _really _in a fatcake, wielding his cell phone in his hand. "I got the call! The jury has a decision!"

Hmm. That was fast. _Way_ too fast.

This was _not _good.

OoOoOoOoOoO

I risked a glance at Sam. She was squirming in her seat, struggling to remain calm knowing the fact that her mother's brutal killer was only twenty feet away from her, awaiting his fate.

The presiding juror rose. _Guilty, guilty, guilty…_I chanted while crossing my fingers. _Come on!_

He said those words. "We, the jury, find the defendant Hector T. Garcia, _guilty_ as charged in the…" My ears muted out the rest as a flood of elation raced through my veins. I looked at Sam, and she didn't seem to have taken it all in yet. I carefully rested a hand on her arm. "Sam," I whispered. "You won." She blinked, and shifted her gaze to land on me. After taking in my wide smile and realization fully dawning on her, she made a soft shriek of joy and crashed herself into my arms. She just bawled, burying her face in my chest, letting out all of the frustration and tension she had been holding in for the past few months. I held her close as her body shuddered, and I saw Carly and Spencer smile.

Pam's murderer would be in jail for life. The Court _had_ considered the death penalty by lethal injection, but had chosen against it. I am personally against the death penalty, but for some reason a burning sensation invaded my chest when I heard that decision. Had the people of the jury _seen _the pictures of the crime scene? I'm still surprised that the funeral people had made Sam's mother presentable enough for the funeral to be open-casket. Then again, Carly told me that Sam said that only her head was showing…

They led the monster in orange away, and I hugged Sam tighter, whispering in her ear, "Your mother's free, Sam. She's free..."

* * *

**Okay, this is NOT the end…still multiple chapters to go…which are all going to be posted soon. I might not update as frequently as I'd like to though because my brother's coming home from college ( :D x 346) and my dad's coming back from work in NC…Review! Make my day! **


	13. And Then You

**This chapter's called "And Then You". DISCLAIMER: I don't claim iCarly. Simple as that. R&R!**

* * *

SAM POV

I was sitting on the fire escape again, trying to clear my over-crowded mind. The cold weather was supposed to be calming me down, but my brain felt like it was going to explode with all of these thoughts trapped within me. My Pear Pod's music was blaring from Carly's small speakers. I was happy…and empty at the same time. What was wrong with me? Justice had been served! I should be screaming and dancing with joy!

And I felt lonely…so why did I insist on being alone for so much of every day?

I sighed.

"Eventful day, huh?" I heard behind me. I turned around.

"Yeah," I replied as he joined me on the ledge.

"How're you feeling?"

I thought. "Okay." A lie.

"What's eating you?" He was no dummy.

I looked at my lap. "I don't know…I should be _beyond_ happy. But I still feel like something is wrong."

He hesitated for a second. "You know, Sam, I'm really proud of you. You've been through a lot and yet you haven't gone completely insane yet."

"That was nubbish," I blurted before I could stop myself. I quickly glanced back up at him. "Sorry, it was a reflex." He laughed to himself. "Uh…thanks," I added.

I didn't know what else to say, and I didn't want any more awkward silences between us, so I rose up to go. "I better, um…"

"Oh." He got up also. "Me too, I guess."

We weren't standing that far away from each other, and I saw him cautiously move a little closer. I allowed his arms to circle around my body, pulling me into a soft hug. I laid my head on his chest and let my arms to the same. I would probably regret this mushy moment later, but for now, I let my tough personality be overcome by this amazing feeling of safety. His warmth contradicted the chilling air around us, so I gladly surrendered myself to his touch.

I barely noticed it, but my Pear Pod had just finished the last song and transitioned into a soft and relaxing tune. Before I had known what was happening or how it had started, I noticed myself swaying from right to left. Freddie moved in sync with me.

I vaguely realized my arms were snaking around his neck and his were lightly resting on my waist. My eyes fluttered closed and my head remained on his chest.

Greg Laswell's voice ringing in the air around us made me a little sleepy. Wasn't I supposed to feel nervous and apprehensive? I mean, what were Freddie and I _doing?_

But I had never felt so safe or calm in my entire life. I felt…free. And **whole**.

"_**How my thoughts they spin me 'round**_

_How my thoughts let me down_

_**And how my dreams they spin me 'round**_

_How my dreams let me down_

_**Then there's you.**_

_How my love it spins me 'round_

_**And how my love it's let me down**_

_With __**a melody that**__ climbs and then __**falls**__, _

_**Without you…**_

_**How my days they spin me 'round**_

_**And how today it sets me down**_

_**Alongside you…"**_

**(A/N: Again, I cut out some of the lyrics so it'd be shorter so you guys wouldn't kill me…xD)**

* * *

FREDDIE POV

I felt her arms move around my neck. I let my hands fall to her waist. Her hair was tickling the side of my cheek, but I barely felt the sensation. I was too busy noticing another one.

I was experiencing a surge of intensity in my chest. I couldn't identify the feeling. My heart wasn't pounding much faster than normal, but the slight tightness made me want to stay this way with Sam forever. I vaguely felt my eyes close. All I could think about was the girl in my arms. I felt whole.

I felt different. I felt…weird? Better? Worse?

But I didn't think about it. I didn't question it. I let it take over my soul as I moved from side to side with her. I felt the urge to pull Sam closer, but we couldn't really get closer or I would have stepped on her feet. So when the song ended and she moved out of my arms, I felt warmth leave me and a feeling of emptiness start to return.

* * *

SAM POV

The soft guitar ended a few seconds after Greg stopped singing, and I began to slip out of my sleep-like state. I pulled away, suddenly realizing what position we were in and inwardly cursing myself. I pressed pause on the Pear Pod player before some other emotional song made me act all vulnerable again.

"Is something wrong?" He asked. I wouldn't look at him.

"We're best friends, right?"

He looked confused. "Of course."

"And you don't think of me in any other way, right?"

His eyebrows knitted together. "What do you mean?"

I sighed. It was confession time.

"I saw you and Carly at the Groovy Smoothies on the night of the Girl's Choice Dance last year."

He started to look confused again, and then realized what I meant. "Oh…" he trailed off.

"I don't-I can't-I…" I started, stumbling over my words, trying to figure out what to say. I took a breath. "I don't want to ruin our friendship."

"I only danced with Carly as a friend; you know that, right?"

I looked down, hoping that was a good enough answer for him.

"Both of our dates turned out to be lame, and we were pretty bummed considering we both had high hopes. I felt bad for her because she never has bad dates." I felt a pang of jealousy in my gut. _Perfect little Carly…_ I thought. _Stop it, Sam,_ I immediately scolded myself.

"And yeah, we both deserved a nice dance," he continued. "As friends. That's all it was."

"Oh," I mumbled, feeling stupid. I was relieved, though.

"I'm sorry; I didn't know I was making you feel uncomfortable."

"No, no…I was just jumping to conclusions," I replied, running a hand through my blonde waves.

"I'll, uh, I'll see you later Freddie," I said softly, taking my Pear Pod with me as I left.

"Yeah…"

* * *

FREDDIE POV

I lay on my bed that night, staring at the pale ceiling, trying to find answers. Answers to life. Answers to Sam. Answers to _everything_.

Cliché or not, we _had_ slow-danced. The fact that she would even do _that, _let alone with _me,_ really made me feel like I didn't know my best friend at all. If it weren't by pure chance, I wouldn't even have known she loved singing and playing guitar. What other things was she hiding from me?

And yet I had never felt so close to someone, so connected to someone, so _real _with someone. I wasn't going to deny it: I felt whole when I was around Sam. But why did I feel so strongly? Was it just a reaction of being sworn enemies during the first couple years of our relationship? Were we molding from frenemies to best friends too fast?

And why did she pull away? Why did even the _thought_ of me having an interest in her freak her out so badly? Why would these feelings ruin our friendship like she thought they would?

I started thinking that we wouldn't be the same. Ever.

Boy, was I _so _**right** about that in all the _**wrong **_ways…

* * *

**Whatcha think? If anyone's wondering what the song's called, it's "And Then You" by Greg Laswell. (Hence the title of the chapter…xD) Aargh, I love that guy to bits. PLEASE REVIEW!**


	14. Revelation

**Another chapter! R&R! This is called "Revelation". DISCLAIMER: I don't own iCarly but if I did, that'd be pretty awesome.**

* * *

SAM POV

I wasn't scared to roam around the city of Seattle alone anymore. As February transitioned into March, I found myself just walking around to clear my head or to push away depressing thoughts whenever the memory of my mother forced its way into my brain.

I had recently been going to Waterfront Park, a public place that overlooks an expanse of water. **(A/N: This is a real place! I found it when I was messing around on Google maps…xD) **There usually weren't too many people there and it wasn't too far of a walk, so it kind of became my place to just lean on the railing of the bridge that overlooked the waves, plugging my Pear Pod in my ears and letting the music drown out all other audible signs of civilization. It was always cold out there, but with the proper attire, I wasn't shivering and the breeze through my hair felt amazing.

I still didn't know why I kept shrugging people off. Freddie had taught me to trust again, and I did. So why did I keep putting myself in situations where I was alone?

And I still couldn't figure out why I had pushed Freddie away a month ago. I mean, yes, I knew that I was scared. When I had finally snapped myself back into the real world, I realized that Freddie was dancing with me sort of the way he danced with Carly. And he liked her then, right? Well, Freddie had obviously proven me wrong on that point.

The more I considered it and the more I let the music dissolve my thoughts, the more it started to make sense. Why was I afraid of relationships now?

Because once they end, and they always do; you lose the person that you thought you loved.

Take for example, Pete.

That time at the Groovy Smoothies was the first time I had seen him since our breakup. We used to be friends. I was the girl who could break a few bones when she needed to. He was the guy that made me change. I had changed everything about me.

And yet, he still hadn't liked me. I _still_ wasn't good enough.

I wasn't even sure if I believed in love anymore, or if I even _wanted _to believe in it. I don't like feeling a ton of emotions, and love sure doesn't help the whole stop-the-drama philosophy I try to adopt. Is love even worth the risk?

Is love even _real?_

OoOoOoOoOoO

March was reaching its end. Carly was always talking about what colleges she wanted to apply to and I pretended to listen with an interested ear. I didn't plan on going to college. My grades sure didn't approve of me furthering my education. Freddie mentioned a couple universities here and there, but he didn't talk about it as much as Carly did.

I did feel myself becoming distant. From Carly, from Spencer, from Freddie.

From myself.

I didn't talk unless I needed to. I didn't have as much enthusiasm during the web show that I used to. Many of the comments on the website were questions on whether something was wrong with me.

I felt that emptiness again. I felt that desire to belong to something, for something to belong to me. I never felt whole. I felt the same pangs of distress in my chest every day. I didn't understand what was wrong with me. I was scared at what I was becoming and yet seemed to welcome the change with open arms. Because it was just so easy to do.

I didn't really sing or play music anymore. I just listened to the world around me, sometimes taking in my surroundings, and sometimes not. I would stay up at all hours of the night, just sitting on the fire escape alone at 2:30 in the morning. Sometimes I fell asleep out there; sometimes I just stared at the starry black expanse over my head until the sunrise arrived.

My eating habits declined. I knew I was worrying Carly again, but I just didn't have the energy to shove all the junk down my throat that I used to. I lost interest in the things I normally loved to do. I didn't experience drastic highs and lows in my life. I just felt a hazy, depressing feeling that hovered over me, controlling my every move. I lost feeling, both physical and emotional. I wouldn't get happy. I wouldn't get excited. I wouldn't get nervous. Sometimes when I'm just staring off into space in the Shay's apartment, I don't notice anything around me until Carly roughly shakes my shoulder and I snap back to my senses, tasting blood in my mouth. I didn't even know I was biting my lip, let alone that _hard_.

I hated feeling this way. I hated feeling lost, alone, and like nothing mattered. But it was out of my control. Nothing I could do would end this. It was just the way I felt. Empty.

I knew I was missing something. I thought that I would never find it because I had no idea where to look.

And March faded into April…

* * *

FREDDIE POV

As time went on, I noticed Sam's depression. I noticed how she never showed feeling or interest. I thought she was just missing her mom again at first, but this was lasting for almost two months now. When Sam was this way, I felt broken myself. We hadn't really talked about what happened that time on the fire escape. Sure, we had talked and acted like friends for a little while after, but Carly was always around. We never had time alone. And then she had stopped talking unless someone asked her a question or if she was doing her part on the show.

Carly had approached me in tears a few times during those two months. She had no clue what to do. She had thought that the worst was over. So had I.

I noticed the weight drop. I noticed the dark shadows under her eyes. I noticed her constant disheveled appearance. I noticed the dazed look in her eyes. I noticed the silence.

There was no spark of life in her. There was nothing that made her happy. There was no one that could reach her.

Somehow, I knew it was my fault. Again.

* * *

CARLY POV

"So do you think we should do another 'Messing with Lewbert' segment on the next show?" I asked my best friend. We were sitting on the couch in the living room on a Friday after school. She didn't seem to hear me for a few seconds, and then blinked. "Huh?"

Random tears suddenly welled in my eyes, and I repeated my question. She shrugged with obvious disinterest and stared back into space. That's when a tear slid from my cheek onto the couch. She didn't notice. That made another one fall.

I heard Freddie enter the apartment and furiously rubbed my eyes. He saw and rushed over to me with a concerned look on his face. "Carly, what is it?" My body shuddered silently as I failed to stop tears from falling and I motioned over to Sam's figure on the couch. Freddie glanced at her, and I could practically see his heart split in two. If Sam wasn't in a sitting position and if you hadn't known any better, you would have mistaken her for dead. Her eyes were lifeless, her limbs hung limp at her sides. She stared at nothing in particular, a distant look in her icy blue orbs.

I had to look away. "Freddie, she's getting worse." I sniffled. "You have to do something. I'm at a loss. So is Spencer." I felt a louder sob coming, so I rushed out of the room.

* * *

FREDDIE POV

I watched the brunette leave the room like it was on fire. I sat next to Sam on the couch. No reaction.

I spoke her name softly. Not one twitch. I said it louder. She didn't even blink.

I hated this. Where was my Sam, the _real _Sam? Why was this happening to her? What was going on?

And the most haunting question of all: Did I have something to do with this?

I couldn't help it. I began crying silently and wrapped my arms around my friend's shoulders, hiding my face in her wrinkled shirt. Her arms were still lifeless at her sides. I started to cry louder, allowing hiccups and gasps to escape my throat as I trembled against her body. I moaned, praying for this all to be a nightmare that I could wake up from at any time.

A few seconds later, a heard a hesitant, "Freddie?"

My head snapped up, and my eyes collided with her focused gaze. "What's wrong?"

I slapped the tears off my face and sat up. "Sam…I need to ask _you _that," I paused, clearing my throat. "These past couple months you haven't been yourself. You never talk to anyone. You don't eat, or sleep, or smile, or laugh. You're scaring all three of us. Was it something I did?"

The glaze over Sam's eyes wasn't there anymore but she seemed confused as she blinked a few times. "What would you have done?"

"I-I don't know…"

She sighed and looked away. "I'm sorry. I'm just not…me. I feel so alone but when I'm around Carly or Spencer it doesn't help. I feel like something is missing. My life is empty. And I don't know why." I saw her look at my wet eyes and an expression of guilt flashed over her features. "I-I'm sorry. I didn't know I was so bad…am I _that_ bad?"

I hesitated, and then nodded. "Talk to me, Sam," I whispered, placing a hand over hers.

"I can't get any sleep. I'm so tired all the time. I don't have the motivation to eat. I don't want professional help…I just don't know what to do." She stopped, and then looked at me with sleepy eyes. "Freddie, I'm so _tired_…" She looked like she was about to burst into tears.

I pulled her into my shoulder. "Sssh, it's okay." I felt her take shaky breaths. "Just close your eyes, Sam. Don't open them back up. Relax every part of your body; I've got you," I whispered. I heard her sigh and go limp in my arms, limb by limb. When I heard heavy breathing after a few minutes, I breathed a silent sigh of relief. I carefully picked her up bridal style and carried her up to Carly's room and laid her on the bed. I couldn't just leave her-I wanted to be there when she woke up. I needed to know what Sam needed to not feel empty anymore; I had to fix this; I had to fix her. I had promised to.

_Lights will guide you home, and ignite your bones. And I will try to fix you…_

My eyes started to close and I collapsed on Carly's bed next to her.

**(A/N: That was a "Fix You" by Coldplay song reference if you didn't already figure that out...the last song on the CD.)**

* * *

SAM POV

I woke up to sunlight streaming through the windows onto my face. I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes and glanced at Carly's clock. Eleven in the morning. Saturday.

As I slipped more into consciousness, I noticed the presence of something on my arm and around my midsection. I glanced down and saw it was an arm. My head was resting on something strong and warm. I twisted my head to look up at Freddie's sleeping face. My head was resting on his chest.

I knew I should have bolted upright and ran out. I knew I should have woken him up after separating us from ourselves. I knew I should have done _something._

But…I couldn't. That depression I had felt over the past two months…it was disappearing. I couldn't find the emptiness in my heart. I felt safe. Loved. Whole.

I relaxed into his hold, his even breaths making the hairs on the top of my head flutter. I felt like nothing could tear me down. Nothing could get in my way. Nothing could take part of me away again. Nothing…

I shifted to better fit against his chest, and that's when he woke up. I didn't notice until I felt his grip around me tighten and heard a soft, "Sam? You awake?"

"Yeah," I mumbled into his shirt.

"Are you feeling better?"

Well, with eighteen hours of sleep, you bet I was…

"Yeah…" I mumbled again. I felt his chin on top of my head. I felt warmth spread across my chest. It began as a slow process, but before I knew it, my whole chest was throbbing with this sensation that I had never felt before. It was so strong that I thought it would break free from the restrictions of my body and permeate into the entire room. My heart was pounding calmly, throbbing comfortably.

And that's when I realized it.

* * *

FREDDIE POV

I woke up when something slightly pressed against my chest. Sam's blonde curls blocked half of my view. I whispered, asking if she was awake, not wanting to wake her if she wasn't. She answered me. I held her tighter to me, trying to satisfy the burning sensation inside. I felt myself be naturally drawn to her. She never felt close enough. I rested my chin on her head.

I felt her relax against me. I felt myself relax against her. I felt elation surging through my veins when I realized Sam felt safe. Sam trusted me. Sam was letting me make her strong. Sam was here, with me.

My heart pounded with a sudden epiphany.

* * *

**So I think this is the second-to-last chapter! What did you think? What were their realizations? PLEASE REVIEW! Last chapter soon to come!**


	15. This Is It

**The FINAL chapter! Enjoy "This Is It"! R&R! DISCLAIMER: I don't own iCarly. And Dan Schneider's awesome.**

**I was listening to "Sunday" and "Silver Lining" by Hurts as I was editing this. They're BEAST!**

* * *

SAM POV

I gasped loudly and sprung from the bed, out of his arms. _No, I can't lose him this way._

I didn't hear him say anything. I didn't want to turn around. What had been happening to me all this time became clear. I was terrified. This was _worse _than losing my mother.

I had to run. It was the only thing I could do to save us.

* * *

FREDDIE POV

I was still in shock from my discovery, so I couldn't make a sound when Sam's figure suddenly pulled away from me. The emotions threatening to explode out of my body were identified. My head was spinning. Before I could open my mouth to spill the truth, she was gone, taking with her a piece of me.

* * *

SAM POV

I was running. My feet slapped against the pavement outside the Bushwell apartment complex, but all I heard was my own heart pounding. It was all clear to me now.

I let him in, and I get a glimpse of what we could be. That feeling of hope, security, and pure _love. _It all happens like a dream until I realize that this is the real world. Love doesn't last. Love only ends in destruction. And I didn't want us to be destroyed. I push him away, and that emptiness prevails, making me feel worthless. I am nothing without him, but we couldn't be anything together. The concept made my head spin.

_I keep running away, even from the good things…_

A cry escaped my lips. _Stop it, STOP! _I angrily shouted at my brain.

_I keep running away, even from the good things…_

I collapsed on the ground against a brick wall of one of the Seattle buildings. I couldn't take this. That song wouldn't stop echoing throughout my mind. Tears streamed down my face as I tried to block it all out. I failed miserably. I _loved_ him. _**I'm in love with Freddie Benson**_, I told myself, trying to face the truth. I was a Puckett, I could take this. But that just made me sob even harder. I was paralyzed with terror.

I was losing him...no, I had lost him. We couldn't be friends. We couldn't be more.

This is what I had been most afraid of. But now, I no longer had power over what was going to happen.

OoOoOoOoOoO

I reluctantly returned to the apartment complex around noon. I peeked around the corner, checking the hallway for a certain brunette boy I didn't want to be confronted by, and raced inside the Shay's place. For some reason, Carly and Spencer weren't around.

I went back up to Carly's room, half expecting Freddie to still be sitting on the bed. He wasn't.

I felt relieved and disappointed at the same time.

I saw a piece of paper with writing on the coffee table. And an unfamiliar Pear Pod.

_Listen to the song and then find me._

_There are some things I have to say._

I hesitantly turned the Pear Pod on and touched the Music icon. There was a song paused at the beginning. I laid on Carly's bed, put the headphones in my ears, pressed play, and closed my eyes.

* * *

_I'll sing it one last time for you, then we really have to go_

_**You've been the only thing that's right in all I've done.**_

_And I can barely look at you, but every single time I do_

_**I know we'll make it anywhere…away from here.**_

_Light up, light up_

_As if you have a choice_

_Even if you cannot hear my voice, I'll be right beside you dear_

_Louder, Louder…And we'll run for our lives_

_All I want is to find an easier way to get out of our little heads_

_Have heart, my dear; __**we're bound to be afraid**_

_**Even if it's just for a few days, **__**making up for all this mess**__._

* * *

My eyes opened. I knew where to go.

**(A/N: I'll say this AGAIN; I edited out some of the lyrics to make it shorter.)**

* * *

FREDDIE POV

A few horns honked below in the massive Seattle traffic jam. A cool April breeze sifted through my hair. I wrung my hands, waiting.

I was blind. How could I not have seen this before? How could I have been so _stupid?_

_I love her. __**I love Sam Puckett**__._ I was expecting this inner confession to be hard to admit. But it was surprisingly easy. And I felt satisfaction seeping through my skin as I thought the phrase over and over again, letting it sink into my brain.

But I wondered. And I doubted. Sam didn't believe in love, at least the kind that lasts forever, the kind that unites people together, the kind that is unbreakable. It existed. I _knew_ it did, because I felt it towards her. But how could I convince her that it did?

I heard a sudden _clank_ and turned to the right to see my Pear Pod on the ledge beside me. Sam was standing in the hall outside the window. I got up and moved back so she could come in.

She sat on the ledge. I hesitated, and then sat next to her. My heart kicked at my chest.

I could tell she was uncomfortable. I could tell that she didn't want to say anything. I felt her fear in the air. But I knew that it wasn't fear of me, it was the fear of us.

"Sam…" I began. "We were enemies from the start. You hated me, I hated you. Then, we were frenemies. You tortured me, I took it. Then we were friends. You teased me, I laughed at it. Then, we were best friends. We got along. We opened up. We went through a _lot_ to get where we are now. And that brings me to what I'm struggling with. Where are we now?"

I paused, letting my rhetorical question dissolve in the suspended air.

"Now…we're more. I couldn't see it for a while; you were always in my life. I didn't need to think about life without you. Then I did. And you wanna know something?"

She continued looking at her feet.

"I don't _want _to live without you. I can't stand us being this way. I know you're scared. I know a lot has happened. I know you're terrified of losing our friendship. Sam, I'll never let it go. I'll never let _you_ go.

"I'm scared too, believe me. I never saw this coming. One day you're calling me Freddork and I reply with 'blonde headed demon'. The next…

"Things change, Sam. And, I…I just wanted you to know…that…"

"It never felt wrong when I was with you," she suddenly interrupted. "Every time I pushed you away, I felt worse. And each time, I got what I wanted but not what I needed. **(A/N: CD song reference…perhaps? xD )** But it's so hard for me to believe in something that only tears people apart. It never works out in the end. So when I started to feel…differently…I was terrified. Everything that we've come to know…to be…I don't want to lose that."

Sam paused, and then added, "I didn't believe in love at all. I thought that it was just something people used to create fake happiness so they could escape the real world. It didn't exist to me."

She stopped. "And now?" I ventured, speaking slowly.

She looked at me suddenly, surprised, and turned away immediately. Her face began to show red patches.

She barely said it; her voice was hardly audible. But I heard it, and that was enough. "You're the only exception."** (A/N: Hmm, anyone know that song? xD )**

Her face flushed again, and I brought my hand to her cheek and turned her face to look at mine. I saw the fear melt away, replaced by trust. It gave me the motivation to say, "Sam, you won't regret believing in love. The kind that stays; the kind that only exists when two people really care for each other, risking everything just to have that person beside them for the rest of eternity. Life is all about chances, about risks, about the steps leading up to your final purpose in life. Sam, this is it. The gambling is over; no more taking chances. You and me. _I love you_, Samantha Puckett."

She didn't punch me senseless for calling her by her full name. I wanted to say so much more to her, to tell her how immense my love for her was, how I felt when she was with me, how I felt when she was away. How I felt when she was wrapped in my arms, how amazing it felt to be the one that she completely and utterly trusted, how I loved making her safe. How I loved donating my strength to her. How I loved being with her. How I loved _her._

But then again, actions speak louder than words.

She allowed me to lean closer. When she didn't jerk away, I proved to her that love does exist; that it was the driving force between what the two of us had.

My lips connected with hers, and ten thousand firecrackers exploded in my head. My heart pounded in my ears as I let the hand not on her cheek land on her back. I felt her arms hang on my shoulders, a few of her fingers intertwined in the hair on the nape of my neck.

I pulled her closer and kissed her a little harder. She responded favorably, pushing back and deepening the kiss. My head was spinning; it was a good thing that we were sitting down. My hand that was on her cheek moved under her hair, the blonde strands caressing my fingers.

_I love her, I LOVE her! _my brain, my heart, everything inside of me screamed. There was no looking back. She was my future. She was my life. She was my _everything._

I pulled away only when I felt a drop of something land on my face near my nose. Sam had tears streaming down her face, and when I was about to ask her why she was crying, she smiled, touched a hand to my cheek and said, "I love you too, nub."

I knew. Her and me. Me and her.

This was it.

And as I realized later, it was inevitable.

_I wanna break every clock; the hands of time could never move again_

_We could stay in this moment for the rest of our lives…_

_I wanna be your last, first kiss..that you'll ever have_

_I wanna be your last, first love..that you'll ever have_

_Till you're lying here beside me with arms and eyes open wide_

_I wanna be your last, first kiss…for all time._

* * *

**PLEASE READ: Soooo…it's over! What did you think of the ending/story as a whole? Should I make an epilogue? If so, give me an idea, b/c I have NO ideas whatsoever…xD . The song that Freddie told Sam to listen to was "Run" by Snow Patrol. And I can finally tell you that I got the title of the story from the song "Inevitable" by Anberlin. The lyrics above are from that song; check it out!**

**And I wanted to send a special thanks to 'shysinger101' for an amazing review! It brightened my entire week! Thanks for recognizing the lack of swearing (I hate when fics always have cursing, it makes it hard for me to read them until the end since I don't swear). And of course a thank you to 'Melow200' (for constantly reviewing, aargh, you have NO idea how happy I was!), 'alwayssmiling11', 'jackpotdante', 'KarlaRockAngel', 'booklover51089', and 'Wonderstruck' for reviewing also. Also, please check out and review my one-shot "Colours"!**

**'iisarahh' just sent me a PHENOMENAL review! Shout out to (I'm assuming) her!**

**What was your favorite quote of this chapter?**

**I'll hopefully have another Multi-Chap prologue or a one-shot out in a couple days or so…or whenever I come up with an idea…xD Don't you just hate writer's block? Should I do Jade&Beck or another Sam&Freddie?**

**Oh, ANOTHER thing. I was having trouble naming this chapter. Do you think it should stay "This Is It" or should I change it to "The Ledge"?**

**Thanks for reading "Inevitable" through 'til the end! Hope you liked!**


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